5 Signs It’s Time to Break Up with Your Therapist

Paying a stranger to hear you talk may be a strange concept, but psychotherapy treatment has become as common as a gym membership. You pay the dues, put in the hours and wait anxiously to see results. But figuring out the complicated stuff – work, relationships and self – when you opt in to get your brain shrunk is a lot more complicated than doing bench presses and sit ups.

It’s an obscure process that’s built upon trust. Unfortunately, the market has become over-saturated with coaches and alternative types of cognitive behavioral professionals, meaning that anyone can hang a shingle on their door and claim to be a “therapist.” In fact, just recently Psychotherapy Networker magazine reported that there are approximately 10,000 coaches of various types working in the USA.

So how do you know if the person you should be able to trust most, your therapist, can and should be trusted? Just consider the following rules of engagement:        

1.       Failure to Cancel: Forget to give 24, 48 or 72 hours notice? You still get invoiced for the missed session. Show up late and yes, you lose those precious extra minutes on the couch.  If you’re obligated to play by the rules, then so too should your therapist.  Don’t be afraid to call them out for being late or failing to give you advanced notice for changing or missing an appointment. If the pattern persists, find another sofa on which to lay your head where you won’t get shortchanged on time. 

2.       Breaking Boundaries: Boundaries are sacred in the patient therapist relationship. The taciturn agreement between parties is that the patient shares while the shrink does not, nor should they show inappropriate affection, socialization or engagement with clients in or out of the office. When a therapist crosses that line, and many often do, boundaries shift. And when that happens there is a shift in balance which disrupts the dynamics of the relationship. Your therapist should not be calling on you for professional advice nor should they join you in something as simple as a social cup of coffee. It’s up to you to understand the limits and make sure yours are being respected.    

3.     Referrals Should Not All Be Welcome: Therapists make their money off of referrals, but certain leads should be off limits. If your therapist has an open door policy and is willing to welcome people from your circle of friends, family or office, then they are running an unhealthy practice. Start looking for a new confidant before conflicts arise and your secrets get leaked.

4.       You Can Get the Same Advice Elsewhere, for Less or Free:  Many health insurance policies cover therapy up to a certain point. Many therapists, even those who are out of network, will offer sliding scale fees if you are not in a position to afford their hourly rate, especially if and when you’ve fallen on hard financial times. With so many professionals in the helping field from which to choose, there is no reason to blow your budget on someone who’s not willing to build a treatment plan that’s affordable for you.