Andrew from Vancouver offers a dating boot camp

1. Where are you from?

Originally from Toronto, Canada. Now residing in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, Vancouver.

2. You recently left a successful career in Investment Banking to become a Life Coach for Men, what inspired you to do so?

Last year, I was sitting at my desk one day when I had an epiphany: I realized that I was not passionate about Investment Banking and could not do it for the rest of my life without wanting to shoot myself in the face. At around the same time, I enrolled myself in a Life Coaching training school. It was there that I fell in love with Coaching and its ability to help people solve problems and make changes that they could not do on their own. I thought, 'This is awesome... why not try to make this my full-time job?' I hired a Life Coach the next day and a few months later, I did.


3. We understand you’re a big proponent of fitness and healthy living. Can you suggest some simple wellness changes single men can make for quick quality results?

One really, really basic one is to stop every hour for 10 seconds to take 3 deep breaths. For years, I was going so hard and so fast day after day that I completely forgot about my breath. Deep breathing allows one to stay present as opposed to always thinking 'What's Next?'

Another is to hold exercise and relaxation time each day as sacred, not to be touched, messed with, or rearranged by co-workers or other people. A busy single man (or woman) can find all kinds of reasons why he should not honour his committed exercise time... or have other people attempt to creep into his exercise time. It's imperative that one gets a time of renewal each day despite what his feelings (or other people) have to say about it.


4. What is the biggest obstacle single men face today and how do you help your clients overcome it?

I would say that there are two: poor thinking and terrible time management skills. A lot of successful businessmen I work with are absolute idiots when they describe their thoughts on women. Or, they have jam packed, balls to the wall schedules that leave them exhausted but really not making significant progress. I help my clients overcome these obstacles mainly because I am outside their world - as a result, I can question, challenge, or provide fresh insight that may have never occurred to them because they are so used to their own world.

5. When it comes to expressing themselves, many men have a hard time emoting. How can they begin to appreciate that it’s okay for a man to be depressed, lonely or insecure?

It is very hard to tell a man that he should emote more - no one likes to be told what to do, especially men. However, I think most men avoid their feelings - this is a huge issue. So, I use questions to help a man see that there is immense learning and insight at the 'bottom' of emotional pits and very negative consequences to continually avoiding emotions (both positive and negative.) If one of my male clients comes to a Coaching call in a negative or down mood, it's really easy to tell. So, I ask, 'What's it like to be lonely?' (or depressed, insecure, etc). This will peel back one layer of the onion. It usually takes a few more questions until we get to the very core of the issue. Although deep, dark, and uncomfortable, the core is where we can really figure out what's happening and stop the avoidance tendency that is operating 99.9% of the time that a negative feeling comes up.


6. After a certain age it becomes increasingly difficult for men to forge new friendships and relationships of trust. Do you have any tips to help them in this area?

First, a man NEEDS to make time for friendships. They don't happen without intentional effort and can get pressed out of an overloaded schedule. Second, I recommend being open, honest, and slightly vulnerable with a prospective friend (or one where the relationship is stale.) How? Just by being honest with the other guy: 'I don't do these (friendships) very well. But I would really like to make our friendship strong as I need you for support at work and outside as well. You can count on me for the same. Is that cool?' This will usually do the trick.


7. What about dating…What’s the biggest mistake single men make when it comes to meeting women?

I would say it's simply not asking out enough women for something as simple as a coffee. Most single guys will over analyze or talk themselves out of even making contact with an attractive woman because they feel like she will reject them. Why not just ask and then move on either way?


8. Do you think the stigmas and stereotypes on bachelorhood are changing, and if so for better or worse?

There are so many, I don't even know where to begin! One that does bother me is most men's view of marriage as something to be avoided at all costs. I have a wonderful marriage with a woman that is my best friend and biggest supporter. The marriage part is what keeps us fully committed when things aren't so good. I don't understand why the 'M' word makes so many bachelors cringe - I think it's a fear of commitment or baggage from seeing his own parents (or parents' friends) split up.


9. Any other tips to help men become better?

Just one: make sure you have someone in your corner (a friend, colleague, or Coach) that you can be vulnerable around and that will ask you the tough questions. I do not feel a man can reach his full potential in life without this kind of support.