Christine Arylo

Q: Every singlewoman loves to hate Valentine’s Day. Kudos to you for creating Madly in Love with Me Day this February 13th. Can you tell us a little bit more about this event and how our readers can get involved?

Every one of us wants to be deeply loved, it’s part of being human, but our culture has made it so that if we aren’t getting that love from HE or SHE there’s something missing for us. When in reality, the place where all love begins is with ME, and when we have that kind of deep self-love, even if we are without a mate on Feb 14th we are still okay, because we have ourselves. There’s way too much focus on being a couple at this time of the year, so I declared the day before Valentine’s Day as the international day of self-love.

On this day, I invite all women to spend the day falling more in love with themselves. Madly in Love with ME Day raises the awareness for what self-love is, why it’s so critical and what one can do to have more self-love. Virtually, at www.madlyinlovewithme.com you can download the Madly in Love with ME Kit, which is full of daring yet proven self-love ideas, including how to throw a self-love soiree’ with you and girlfriends or daughters. Or you can attend one of four events being held in major cities across the U.S. – San Francisco, Chicago, Detroit and Orlando – by getting tickets at www.madlyinlovewithme.com/events. You can also participate on our Facebook site by submitting your personal self-love manifesta, to help us reclaim the definition of self-love!


Q: Your book, Choosing ME before WE, teaches women how to steer clear of bad relationships. What are three tell-tale signs that a relationship is doomed from the start?

1.    You talk more about him and your relationship than you do about your own life and dreams. People who have great relationships don’t spend very much time talking about them to others. They talk about their lives and their partners, yes, but there is nothing really to say about the relationship, because it works. People in unhappy or mediocre relationships complain, analyze, and seek input on their relationship and their partner from others all the time. They spend more time talking about their mate – what he’s doing, what he’s not – than they do on sharing themselves and their own lives.

2.    Your fights are not fair.  Yes, all couples fight, but if your fights are of the dramatic and hurtful type, no matter how much your heart says you love ‘him’ your heart has to love you more. Unfortunately, we can still love someone and be in an abusive or toxic relationship, and verbal, emotional and mental abuse counts. You have to respect yourself enough to demand respect from your partner. And, if you aren’t getting that respect, or giving that respect back, there’s something unhealthy going on.

3.    Your intuition is trying to get your attention. If you are getting signs or feelings that maybe this isn’t the right relationship for you, it’s probably not. It’s just that it’s way too easy to slough off the signs and not give them the credence they warrant. Signs can range from voices in your head (no you aren’t schizophrenic, it’s your intuition talking!), to feelings in your gut like anxiety and dread or just a sixth sense (you shouldn't be nervous on your wedding day, excited yes, full of anxiety no), to visual cues like dreams and visions. Intuition is your best friend and she never lies. Too many women could have saved themselves a lot of suffering if they would have just listened to her.


Q: Why do you think so many women ignore the warning signs and how can they learn how to change those bad habits?

We ignore the warning signs because we are afraid of what we will have to face if we let ourselves see the truth. It’s not the truth that we are afraid of, it’s the consequences of the truth that we are scared to death of. Some of the common irrational fears that keep us in less than fantastic partnerships include, if I leave… “I’ll be alone forever,” “I won’t be able to support myself,” “No one else will ever love me,” “Everyone will finally know what a fraud our relationship has been…” and the list goes on. These fears all stem from a lack of self-love. So the best thing you can do is 1. Take a vow to be honest with yourself always, no matter what. And if you can’t be honest, find a good girlfriend who can. 2. Examine your own emotional wounds, which are the source of the irrational fear, heal them and get on with living the life you came to this planet to live. ONLY have relationships that help you live your dreams or make you a better person, ones that are full of respect and unconditional love. You don’t have time to waste with ones that aren’t that.


Q: Now, how would you adjust your message for all the men out there?

Men out there need to find deep self-love too, it’s just that their societal challenges show up differently. I don’t believe a lot in stereotypes, like men and women are from different planets, I think we are all human beings who want the same basic things – love and happiness. So guys, for you I would say that society has conditioned you to believe that once you get married, your fun is over. And in many cases, honestly, that does happen. Men become laden down with the responsibility to ‘take care of the family,’ take the responsible job and mow the lawn. The best advice I can give you is to look for an authentic partner, not a wife. Find someone who is committed to being on your side, and you on her side, so that it’s the two of you together out there in the world creating the lives you want to live. You don’t need someone to cook your dinner and do your laundry, you need a partner who is going to stand behind you and love you, and allow you to do the same for her.


Q: It can be devastating to be with the wrong person, especially when you are about to head down the aisle. How can people get the courage and confidence to break it off and move on?

First, remember it is NEVER too late to make a different choice. The damage you may cause up front will be nothing compared to the damage that happens when you overstay in a relationship, or make commitments you just can’t keep. My fiancee broke off our engagement and 15 year relationship on the way to our engagement party. After recovering from the shock, it was really painful, BUT it was exactly what I needed to wake up to the fact that I was just about to sell myself short and create a life I didn't really want. I am grateful to him beyond belief that he ended our engagement before it became a marriage.

Which leads me to point two, if you are not happy, chances are that person isn’t either, even if they don’t know it. Trust your intuition, it never steers you wrong. And if you are having a hard time trusting your intuition, find a friend or someone with much more wisdom to help you get to the truth, and ask them for support. And when you end it, do it with love and grace, not drama and devastation.


Q: Self-awareness seems to be a big part of the empowerment message you deliver. Can you give our readers some insight into how your life coaching techniques can help them?

Most of us think we know who we are and what we want until we get to that place in our life when success and happiness are supposed to be one, and we find that although on the outside we look like we have it all, we don’t feel that way on the inside. We’ve been conditioned to live on what I call the escalator to death – this very linear path of college, job, marriage, kids, job, retire and die. Ugh! Most of us don’t stop to ask ourselves the question, “What is the life I really want? And is it this?” And then if we know we want something different we have no idea how to get there. Working with a coach is like taking an adventure into the real you, to find out who you really are and who you are really not. Most of us are run by our egos and fears until we become aware of what they are so that we can change them. Once you have a firm foundation of who you are and what you want, a coach can help you build a bridge to creating that life you really want to live. Stepping into the unknown and living boldly brings up a lot of fear for people, so having a coach gives you the courage and the accountability to make it happen.


Q:  You have a whole line of just for one products, can you please tell us about them.

I create products that inspire and guide people to fall more in love with themselves. My inspirational products are a line of necklaces called the Madly in Love with ME token necklace. They were designed to give women something tangible to put around their necks to remember to love themselves.

I also created a tele-series called Self Love Studio, which features interviews from some of the most inspirational teachers of our time, women like Mariel Hemingway and Kimberly Wilson, where they share their secrets for how they as women deal with the overwhelm and the pressure to take care of it all, without exhausting themselves in the process. Www.selflovestudio.com


Q:  Any other words of wisdom?

If you can make this vow to yourself, “I will never settle for less than my heart and soul desire,” and keep it, you will find happiness and love. Your job is to find out what it is that your heart and soul really desire, versus. your ego and fear.

Please visit Christine Arylo at: Madly in Love with Me