Dave and Ethan

Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?

If both parties can handle it, by all means try to maintain a friendship.  But most of the time one of the two people involved will still be harboring feelings after the breakup, which will only lead to awkwardness and frustration.  So we don’t recommend keeping friendships with exes…that is, unless they’re really, exceptionally good in bed.  Then it’s absolutely worth the pain and misery.

Q: Many people get to a point when they simply hate dating. How do you suggest they adjust their attitude?

Just keep doing it.  It’s like listening to a Miley Cyrus song—when you first hear it, you can’t get enough.  It’s the best thing you’ve ever heard.  After a few dozen listens, you start to get bored. And by the hundredth time you’ve heard it, you want to stab yourself in the eardrums with a mechanical pencil.  But if you fight through the agony and keep listening to it past that point, the song starts to get awesome again.  And before you know it, you’re downing tequila shots and dancing on top of a bar without pants on.

Q: How can guys turn a female friend into a long-term love?

Guys, just give this one up.  There are too many girls out there for you to obsess over your uninterested female friend.  But for those who absolutely INSIST on making it happen, we suggest rufinol.

Q: Best online dating tip you offer to bachelors?

Sometimes less attractive people will employ photographic techniques to hide their physical flaws. Women, watch out for the comb-over or “Hair Over the Eye-Patch” trick. And men should look out for the “Shoulder-Up Shot.”  Your potential date might have a very pretty face, but the body of a manatee.  Plus, some internet daters raise their level of deception even further by using Photoshop. For this reason, make sure to have a phone conversation with your online dates before you meet up with them. Men, listen for the audible presence of an Adam’s apple, and then look for photographic evidence of facial waxings via the “magic eraser” tool.

Q: Please tell us how nice guys can finish first…

By being exceptionally handsome. 

Q: Secret sex tip every man should know about.
Right as you are about to climax, start crying.  This will show the woman how devoted and emotionally invested you are, and will enable her to orgasm much quicker and more frequently.

Q:  How you keep and decorate a home says a lot about a man. What are some bachelor pad must haves that will make a good first, second or overnight impression?

Lots and lots of booze.  A well-stocked liquor cabinet is the most masculine, sophisticated, and practical fixture a man can furnish his apartment or home with.  Be sure to invest in plenty of premium vodka, single malt scotch, and sipping tequila…and then refill the bottles with the cheapest spirits you can find.

Q: How can a guy who’s not good at flirting get good?

It’s just a numbers game:  If you force yourself to ask out three women every day, you’ll be completely free of all approach anxiety within a matter of months.  If you’re having trouble getting started, use your female family members as targets (start with your mother, and eventually work your way up to that cute second cousin you might actually be able to marry in certain states).

Q: How can men who are attracted to "mean-girls" break the pattern?
Date one who ends up burning down your apartment—you’ll never date a “bad girl” again. 

Trust us on this one.

Q: Taboo topics in the getting to know you phase
Political beliefs, religious beliefs, sexual history, sexual fetishes, stories about pooping.

Q: Signs that a woman/man is into you?
Women: giggling, batting eyelashes, leaning inwards, hair-touching, physical contact.    Men:  talking.

Q: Unfortunately, many men have no clue how to seduce a woman. What is your secret in taking that first step?
We like to write romantic songs for our dates, which not only show off our musical skills, but our sensitive sides as well.  If all goes well, we begin improvising with more suggestive lyrics.  Eventually, we simply narrate our sexual acts as we perform them on our dates.

Q: How do you know when to give up on a relationship and break up?
It’s time to move on when it’s no longer fun anymore.  Unless, of course, you’re in some sort of sadomasochist arrangement—in which case, you’re on the right track.

For more hilarious dating tips, click here to watch Dave and Ethan