Falling into The Buddy Trap

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Q: I met a man about 4 months ago and we hit it off instantly. We text and email throughout the day; he is the first person I speak to in the morning and often we talk ourselves to sleep late night on the phone. It seems like we were destined to be together. The odd thing is that he has yet to make a move. So what’s keeping him from just planting one on me?

Four months is definitely too long for you to be waiting for this man to make a move! You are definitely close enough to take the lead so I encourage you to broach the subject with him directly. Be prepared as there may be an underlying issue that’s causing him to have intimacy issues, but hopefully you will be able to work through any physical or emotional problems together.

Alternatively, you may have fallen into the buddy trap. If that is the case, I suggest you call it quits for a while. This relationship may be a hard habit to break but if you stay in it any longer your self esteem may be a casualty, as this fellow is being unfair to you.

The good news is that if realize that you need to break away, the power rests with you to address the predicament. Here are three quick tips to help you snap out of the situation:

1. Step away from the phone/computer: Instant and intimate communication, especially those late night pillow talks, must cease in order for you to move on. If you don’t have the willpower to screen his calls and text messages, change your cell phone number altogether. This may sound rash but it may be the only way to break the emotional dependency.

2. Ignore input from 3rd Parties: Promising comments from his or your friends and family can trigger renewed hope and set lofty, unrealistic expectations. It’s important that you know your audience and take feedback from both sides lightly, or ignore it entirely. Support is critical so confide only in those you trust to listen and help you move on.

3. Visualize Your Future: If a relationship is what you want, imagine what one looks like for you. Each minute spent on or with this man is another minute less that you could be using to find the right man.

Just remember, you deserve to be adored on every level, so don’t get fooled into settling for anything less.

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