First Date Mistakes and Fixes: He-Friendly Tips from the Experts

While many men say they can do it in five seconds, statistics show that it takes anywhere between ninety seconds to four minutes for someone to properly size you up. So gentlemen, you better be all buttoned up on that first date if you are going to make a good impression. Here are some first date faux-pas you should avoid and our remedies.

Mistake #1: Not Taking Leadership: The one advantage of taking someone out on a date is that you get to decide where to go. -HollywoodWingmen.com

-        Do the Due Diligence: Guys, women are drawn to men who are strong, proactive and decisive, that’s why you must take charge of the situation from the get-go. Come up with two or three potential date ideas before the first encounter, and let the woman you're about to go out with choose the one that suits her best.

-          Avoid the Obvious: When trying to figure out where to go and what to do, steer clear of the most popular “first date” spots, even if they are most convenient. It shows lack of creativity on your part and will make the woman wonder how many times you’ve been there before and with whom.

-          Develop a Convenient and Courtly Game Plan:  Get to know your subject, where she works, lives and what her interests may be. Make sure the location you choose will be easier for her than you to get to and come prepared for sun, snow or showers. 


Mistake #2: Dreadful Dressing and Unforgiveable Hygiene Habits: There are at least 100 mistakes a guy should avoid on a first date, but the top one would have to be bad grooming or poor hygiene. - Jay Caltado, author of Get Your Girl Back

-         Correct Style Eyesores: Perhaps only David Letterman can get away with wearing white sport socks underneath black pants. So, if your pants are hiked to high and it looks like you’re expecting a flood, fix them. Same goes for the socks and shoes you choose. It’s not brain surgery guys, merely Fashion 101. Brush up on your skills by asking a friend, family member or stylist for some help and invest in a few new wardrobe pieces that will make you look presentable.

-          Eliminate Stains and Strays: Women notice everything, particularly clothing that is speckled with spots, dandruff or dog hair. If you cannot build time into your schedule to freshen up before each date, then find products and tools that will help you manage the problem and keep them on hand at the office, in your gym bag and/or car.  

-          Think Green and Clean:  A fresh smell, neat hair and hands as well as a bright smile are the three basic beauty tips every man should follow. Keep mints on hand at all time, apply a razor to your scalp if you look like Charlie Brown and make sure nails are kept short, though manicures may be a bit much for some.

Mistake #3: Too Nervous to Pay Attention: Men are often too nervous to listen, let alone respond. As soon as they ask a woman a question, they then think about what they will ask next instead of listening to her response while she is talking. Women don't realize guys are nervous and end up assuming that the guy is rude and only interested in one thing.- Ian Coburn, comedian and author of God is a Woman: Dating Disasters

-          Practice Staying Calm: Do something pre-date that will help take the edge off, whether it means hitting the gym for a twenty minute workout or blasting rock tunes while you’re in the shower. But if you choose to down a shot of whisky just before you head out the door make sure that you keep it to less than two fingers and rinse with mouth wash!

-          Be the First to Arrive: By showing up a little early you will have time to get acclimated to your surroundings, choose the best table and be in total control of the situation once your date arrives. Plus, you’ll get points for not being late!

-          Focus on the Prize:  We know it’s easy to get distracted but if you keep your eyes on the girl she’ll likely pick up on the vibe you are sending and disregard a lot of the rest. 

Mistake #4: Too Much Talk About You: If you feel like you're doing most of the talking, your date will likely feel the same way. - Carole Brody Fleet, author of Widows Wear Stilettos

-          Stop, Look and Listen: Most people do not hear themselves speaking, which is why you should make it a point to take breaks as you engage in a conversation. By checking in to hear what you are saying, how much you are talking and whether or not your date is interested in the subject you will be able to speed up response times if and when you need to recover.   

-          Make it More about Her: A good way to make the conversation less about you, your experiences or your views is by “building bridges” and deflecting questions, comments and stories in her direction.

-          Remember that Less is Often Best: Conversation lulls are only natural. Deal with them rather than overcompensating with too much self-talk or you will come off as self-absorbed, arrogant and disinterested. 

Mistake #5: Overly Serious, Sexual or Sour: Do not get onto overly serious topics, favorite sex positions, the ex that broke your heart, your list of requirements, prison records, STDs, why you can't drive because of your recent DUI – Alex V

-          Respect Boundaries: Your goal is to make her feel comfortable and the best way to do so is by understanding her limits. A woman’s body language, tone and facial expressions will tell you everything there is to know during that first encounter. Pay close attention to it, act accordingly and you will avoid some major setbacks.

-          Keep it Light and Lively: No one cares about your bad day at the office or on the stock market, least of all a woman who is meeting you for the first time. Check complaints or your bad mood at the door upon your arrival and for just one night avoid being confrontational with everyone around, including the waiter. 

-          Never Objectify: You may think she is drinking/eating too much or not enough, imagine that she would look better with less/more makeup or wish you could skip dinner and get right to the main dish. Whatever you do, just keep those thoughts in your head and never voice them even if you think it’s a compliment.

Mistake #6: Behaving in Extremes: Spending too much money and/or expressing too much flattery.  In my experience, those are the top two things that most single men regret later on, in the event they get rejected - Alan Roger Currie

-          Compliment with Care and Caution:  There is a reason why women like bad boys – they know how to play hard to get. Being overly effusive with flattering remarks or praise can come across as needy or nerdy, so make sure to keep a few cards close to your chest.

-          Treat Between Cheap and Steep: Most women spend a fortune on getting their hair and nails done, buying makeup or clothes. Some even go to the extent of calling a car service in order to keep the final product intact just for you.  So if you want to play, you have got to pay even if you feel like shoving a napkin down the woman’s throat or over her face. By the same token, there is a fine balance. If you want to weed out the good from the gold diggers, it’s important not to go overboard. Lavish spending will set unrealistic expectations or may attract women who are more into the money than the man in front of them.