Getting Beyond Bad Date, 1, 2 and 3

I am and always have been a liberal minded, free spirit whose passion for more made me hard to pin down permanently.   After hundreds of bad blind dates, I am sure there were plenty of less than desirable adjectives used to describe me, from offbeat and eccentric to picky and promiscuous.

I dated as if I was investing in apartments, each man I selected was a fixer-upper that with the right amount of T.L.C. would, I hoped, yield positive returns. When they never did, I recoiled and threw in the towel.It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Nonetheless, I piddled around online dating sites in between work and working out. Then one night about 3 years ago I got a note from a man in another state that was eight years my senior. And according to his profile he had an honest job, good friends and old fashioned values. Could a man with these and so many pluses exist and, if he did, what would he possibly want from me? So I did what I knew how to do best and picked a fight with a perfect stranger before we ever met.

One long year close to the date later, my stranger resurfaced. "I remember we had some nice conversations" his email stated.

Shortly after, we started dating.

His attempts at humor seemed funny to everyone but me. His good natured approach and conservative air was counter to the rogues I usually sought, and he was a hit with all the ladies around me. His adoring eyes, attentive ear and respectful hands were things I was not accustomed to, so quickly I determined his story was unbelievable. Where was his wife? Why did he choose to live in the suburbs and vote Republican? Clearly something had to be amiss with a grown man who liked what I looked like with my hair in a bun, no make-up and Sarah Palin glasses?

Turns out the only thing that was wrong in this story was me and my limited viewpoint. I grew accustomed to making snap judgments about others rather than going beyond bad dates one, two or three. And somehow after years of doing so, kindness, quality and loyalty had become so foreign that I did not recognize them when they came to me.

Psychologists say that similarity in attitudes, beliefs and goals strongly influence the probability of interpersonal attraction. In theory this "matching principle" may be true but our impulsive approach to dating can make it next to impossible to achieve. I believe that if more people understood the science of attraction, then women would date fewer jerks and nice men would not end up with mean girls.

So, if you're searching for love, remember that meaningful connections evolve over time. Just take it from me. The man I thought was a milquetoast turned out to be a strong and crunchy baguette. But I only found that out after date number three which wasn't so bad after all.