Haunted By An Ex-Mother-in-Law

Q: A year ago my husband of 7 years cheated on me with another woman. We have just completed our divorce. Now my ex mother-in-law is pleading with me to return some of the family keepsakes and valuables that were given to me during our marriage. I still hold a lot of resentment towards my ex-husband but his family was always good to me. Do I keep the goods on principle or return them to the original sender?

 

 

 

 

 

This is a common moral struggle that many people face after a separation and it’s never a black or white decision. You have every right to be angry with your ex-husband but holding onto those belongings may be prolonging the hurt you are feeling. Technically, china, jewelry and other valuables that were gifted to you are yours for the keeping, and if of significant familial value should have been better addressed in the divorce agreement.  However, these items will continue to be a reminder of the past. If you want to start afresh but don’t want to return the items to his mother, you can (a) gift them to someone (b) sell them and keep the cash or (c) donate the dollars to charity. Just remember, punishing his mother by hanging on to sentimental or precious goods that are part of her heritage and history will not make you feel good in the long term. Keeping one or two items for yourself and letting go of the others may be a healthy compromise.