Holiday Harmony

The mood may not be so festive and season of light may not be so bright for parents who are required by law to share custody of their kids during the holidays.   So how to stay civil and calm when there are visitation rights to obey, separate traditions to observe and competing gift giving capabilities? For ex spouses who want to avoid human tugs of war, here are some tips for handling the holidays with or without the kids:

- Make Time Matter: When transitioning the children between houses during the holidays, do not be late. While we can turn on a dime, children often need prep time. More, it your responsibility to obey pick up and drop off times and make sure the kids are ready on time.

Holding them back for even a few extra minutes may be a subconscious action, but one that will only aggravate your ex, their family and in turn the children.

- Send them Out Prepared: If the kids are sleeping out or going away, be sure they are equipped and prepared. Sending a child out with wrong clothing only leads to embarrassment for the little ones and is a true sign of disrespect to the other side of the family.

- Keep Your Criticisms to Yourself: While you may favor the holidays at your house or with your family, don't downplay what's in store for your child somewhere else. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are all part of the extended mix, and by criticizing their family and their customs or traditions you are setting a poor example for and are in turn condemning your own children.

- Create a Separate Celebration: Just because the kids are off for that holiday does not mean you are cut off from the celebration. Pick another day when you and the children can celebrate the Holiday together as a family and be sure to include all the trimmings.

- Do Unto Others: When it's your turn to host the holidays, be mindful of the other side. Little reminders such as encouraging kids to call or send cards to their other parent and relatives will go a long way in keeping harmony and teaching your child good manners

- Agree to Agree: When it comes to gift giving, try to set boundaries with your ex, if and when possible. Having a plan in place on how much you're each going to spend and what items you will be giving can prevent favoritism and conflict. Getting children a different version of something of the same category, such as a video game or American Girl outfit, is always a fair compromise.

Remember, as stressful, traumatic, confusing, joyous and fun as the Holidays can be for you, they can be even more so for children. Work hard to set a good example, and to make the Holidays a wondrous time for your little ones, be they naughty or nice!.