How to Deal with a Suspected Stalker

Q: My girlfriend of 6 months and I broke up more than 3 months ago but she does not seem to be taking the hint. The calls, emails and texts still come at all different hours of the day, she has been spotted in my office building (she doesn’t work here) and most recently I ran in to her at a restaurant while I was on a date. It took some effort to avoid a scene, and she has not stopped reaching out to me. I don't want to be a jerk and am trying to respect her feelings but I am starting to get the sense that I am being stalked. What is the best course of action in this situation?

Sure sounds to me as though you are being stalked, and it serves as a reminder that this is a gender-neutral issue that can have serious consequences. Assuming you have made it absolutely clear that you want no further contact, your first concern should be to protect your own safety. Circumstances like yours can escalate quickly, even where one would not think the other person poses a serious threat. If her behavior is continuing, I suggest in an abundance of caution that you speak to someone at your local police precinct or courthouse to obtain a temporary restraining order.

A restraining order, or an order of protection, is a straightforward and simple legal way to gain protection for oneself from harm from another person. You can do this without a lawyer.

While these orders are typically obtained to protect against spousal abuse, they are often used to address situations such as yours. You only have one life, and any lawyer’s mother will tell you that it is better to be safe than sorry (or worse).

Forms for obtaining a restraining order typically require your personal information and the specific behavior or abuse from which the victim is seeking protection. A judge, on very short notice, then decides from the available evidence whether or not to issue a temporary restraining order, which will be served on the suspected harasser or stalker by the police or sheriff and will schedule a hearing. Until that time they will be ordered to cease any and all contact with you and to keep a defined distance from you, subject to contempt of court penalties that may include arrest.

A temporary restraining order usually lasts up to several weeks until the suspected harasser or stalker has an opportunity to present their case. If found in favor of the applicant, the judge will mandate a permanent order of protection or restraining order.

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DISCLAIMER: This publication is distributed with the understanding that it does not constitute legal advice or establish an attorney/client relationship by way of any information contained herein. The information provided is for general purposes only, as readers are advised to consult with a qualified lawyer regarding the specifics of their particular circumstances.

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