How to Get Divorced By 30: A Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage

Q: “How to Get Divorced By 30: A Misguided Attempt at a Starter Marriage” is the title of your book. Based on your experience, what are the benefits to getting married later on in life?

Chances are you have looked back on old pictures and thought, "How could I have worn that! Why did no one tell me to fix my eyebrows? Was feathered hair really ever in style?" With a little age and distance you can see the error in your ways. Youth comes with thinking you know exactly what you want when the reality is you probably haven't even figured out exactly who you are yet. If you meet the right person in your twenties then he or she will still be the right person in a few years. There is no rush to getting married, especially now that women can have children well into their thirties, so date and date some more. Chances are as you mature, your taste in a partner will also change, so better to leave marriage until you have a few more candles on your cake.

Q: Many people experience feelings of disappointment and inadequacy post-divorce. How can individuals avoid those negative emotions or be better equipped to deal with them?

Divorce is the death of a relationship so disappointment and negative feelings are a normal healthy response. Even if you wanted the marriage to end, grief will creep in and it needs to be dealt with or it will linger and become baggage. We are often told time heals all wounds which is ridiculous. A broken leg doesn't heal on its own with time and a broken heart doesn't just heal with time either. After a divorce work needs to be done in the form of taking stock in your part of the failing marriage. Fully blaming the other party won't get you far (even if it was mostly his or her fault). By admitting to some fault you are giving yourself a little power and control which is important. Maybe you made mistakes, but you know exactly what they were, so you can then move on. Talking about your feelings to a therapist, to friends, to family, is extremely important to the healing process and only when those negative feelings are released can they be replaced with positive ones again.

Q: How does one deal with the uncomfortable "bump into" moments that are bound to happen after a split?

It's best to be cordial and kind but don't linger! If your ex acts like a jerk then just walk away smiling that you are no longer married to him or her!

Q: Best but least expected places to meet singles?

Airports, grocery stores and Home Depot are great places to meet singles!

Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?

It is a case by case basis but I think two people that really care about each other but both have moved on can be friends. But this is impossible if one party still has feelings for the other.

Q: What are 3 warning signs that a relationship is doomed from the start?

You purposely try to make the other person jealous. You focus on the end game of getting married rather than the day to day relationship. Their quirks go from charming to annoying in less than 6 months.

Q: Many people get to a point when they simply hate dating. How do you suggest they adjust their attitude?

Dating should be viewed as an adventure! Every date try a different shade of lipstick, a different perfume, a different location. Mix it up and decide to go places you want to go, and not just for the usual coffee or drink. Stories of bad dates are always entertaining and can sometimes be great icebreakers for other dates. If you find yourself just going through the motions, play a little game on dates and promise not to ask any of the usual questions. Try to get to know the person without asking about their job, their family or where they are from. And even if the date you are on is not working, that person has single friends so it's always good to be on your best behavior.

Q: What’s the biggest mistake divorcees make when it comes to dating and new relationships?

They treat the new relationship exactly like the old one.

Q: Online dating – are you a pro or con for suddenly singles and why?

I am not a fan of online dating because I believe in instincts and it is hard to get a feel for a person based on a profile. For me I can learn more about a person by looking at them for a second at a bar, rather than reading volumes about who they think they are. If it is really hard to meet people out and online is the only option then it beats sitting at home! but I think it is always best to meet other singles organically. Like in the Home Depot light bulb aisle. :)

Q: What kind of love lessons, if any, do you offer to divorcees?

You may or may not find happiness but it is much better to be unhappy on your own terms, then on someone else's. So rejoice in the fact that you got out of a bad marriage!

Q: What advice would you give to singles that have put their lives on hold until “they meet the one?”

There is no "the one." There is timing and opportunity and openness and those things will only come together if you keep putting yourself out there, meeting new people, and becoming a more well rounded and interesting person yourself.

Q: How do you react to singles who express that they feel “too old” to find love?

I think age is an insecurity some people hide behind to avoid getting back out there. People of all ages are single and looking for love, so it's not a good excuse.