How to Get Your Girl Back

Q: Many refer to you as the Relationship Ninja. How did you earn that reputation?

I was originally nicknamed “The Breakup Ninja” because of my ability to help guys win back their ex’s against seemingly impossible odds. The stories run the gamut from the student teacher who won his ex back from her new multi-millionaire boyfriend to the guy who ran into his ex in a crowded supermarket, latched on to her leg and wept openly for twenty minutes straight. After successfully helping tons of guys reunite with their lost loves, I started offering long-term relationship advice to both men and women. Apparently, people felt my relationship advice was just as ninja.

Q: Can you give our male readers one tip from your book “Get Your Girl Back” to help them win back the hearts of their exes?

The most important thing you can do to win back an ex is to detach yourself from the outcome. It’s a major mistake to get trapped in the mindset of “I HAVE to get my ex back or my life will be over.” This way of thinking practically guarantees failure thanks to the behaviors that inevitably result from it.

Although it’s easier said than done, if you can make peace with the fact that you may never win back your ex (and truly be ok with this), you will greatly increase your chances of success.

Q: Please list three first date mistakes every guy should avoid.

There are at least 100 mistakes a guy should avoid on a first date, but here are my top 3: 1-Bad grooming/hygiene 2-Trying hard to impress her 3-Being boring. Being well groomed, fun/exciting and having a relaxed, non-needy attitude speaks volumes about you and can make up for many accidental dating blunders.

Q: How you keep and decorate a home says a lot about a man. What are some bachelor pad must haves that will make a good first, second or overnight impression?

Believe it or not, I find that the condition of your pad is a lot less important than most people think. If a woman is really into you, your place can look like Hurricane Katrina paid you a visit and it won’t matter - in fact, she may even wake up early the next day to help you clean up. That being said, here are a few tips that will tide you over until the Feng Shui guy arrives: 1-Keep your bathroom as clean as possible 2-Make sure your bed is made, looks cozy and has lots of pillows 3-Always have a couple bottles of wine ready to go, both red and white 4-Make sure your place smells good. Ditch the Febreze and opt for some scented candles (I prefer the ones from http://luxnaturals.com). And while you’re at it, pick up some fizzy bath bombs from them, too. Bath bombs trump your rubber ducky every single time.

Q: What kind of love lessons, if any, do you offer to bachelors?

If you want to be truly successful with women, you must prevent your past from limiting your future. I know so many guys who choose to remain single either because they were hurt badly at one point and are afraid of opening up again and/or are now carrying around a tremendous amount of anger towards women. Choosing to hold on to the pain of the past will only hurt you more. Stop thinking of women as being “dangerous” or “the enemy” and start to see them as human beings who have the same hopes and dreams as you do. I recommend working to resolve any past issues you might have before you even think about attracting your queen.

Q: How can guys turn a female friend into a long-term love?

The trick to turning a female friend into a lover is to display the same attractive qualities you would show a woman you’re dating. On top of this, here are a few extra tips to get your sexy female friend to see you in a whole new light:  1-Date other women and tell her about them. Be sure to constantly talk up the women you’re dating and how wonderfully they treat you. 2-Introduce her to them so your friend can see that other women find you attractive. 3-Drop hints that you like her more than just as a friend, but don’t be obvious about it. Randomly say things like, “You’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. I’m really lucky to have you in my life,” or “Every guy on the planet would kill to be with a woman like you.” 4-Start making less time for her (be less available when she calls, texts and asks to hang out). This is a potent four step formula for pulling yourself up out of the slippery abyss we all know as the “friend zone.”

Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?

Absolutely not. In a perfect world, this would be great. But it just doesn’t fly in reality. Unless the breakup is amicable and mutual, one party is almost always struggling with their emotions. On top of that, they may agree to remain friends with their ex in the hopes that they can rekindle the relationship (which rarely ever works).

Whether you’re looking to win your ex back or have decided to move on for good, you should distance yourself immediately. You can always be friends in the future after you’re both over each other. Now is NOT the time.

Q: What about all those shy or nice guys. What advice would you give to all those individuals out there who have a hard time approaching women?

Just get out there and do it. Force yourself to approach at least ten women a day, seven days a week. You’ll eventually become desensitized to the pressure and realize there’s nothing unnatural or scary about starting up a conversation with a woman you’re attracted to.

Q: Best but least expected places to meet single women?

You can meet single women anywhere from grocery stores to spinning classes. But if you want to supercharge your success, then put yourself in situations where you naturally shine. If you’re a star tennis player, get out on the courts and put your skills on display for all the cuties to see. If you’re a poet, sign up for an open-mic night and wow the crowd with your lyrical sagacity. Start showcasing your god-given talents and you’ll notice how much easier it becomes to attract the opposite sex.

Q: Many men experience the fear and flight syndrome as soon as a relationship starts to go well. Is it normal to panic and if so, how can they control it?

Yes, it’s a rather common, but also very dangerous mistake. Panicking facilitates unattractive behavior which can lead to the very thing you fear the most (getting dumped). Now, before you can counteract the fight or flight response, you must understand where it comes from. In this context, it typically starts to occur once we begin obsessing over “maintaining” the relationship, i.e., “not screwing up.” In my book, “Get Your Girl Back,” I’ve listed some advanced strategies for overcoming this issue but the simplest (and most effective) thing you can do, is to simply stop thinking about your partner when they’re not around. When the obsessing, worrying and wondering stops, your panic stops. It’s as easy as that, although for most of us it’s easier said than done.

Q: What’s the biggest mistake single men make when it comes to meeting women?

They don’t treat it like it’s a skill-set that needs to be studied and learned. Just like anything else, if you want to learn a skill, you have to put in the hours. And meeting, engaging and attracting women is no exception.

If you go out haphazardly, you will get mixed results. However, if you set aside time for consistent practice, you may very well see your skills improve to the point where you can chat up women anytime, anywhere. Consistent practice is the key to success.

Jay Cataldo is a relationship expert, author of “Get Your Girl Back” and the #1 coach on Twitter. For more information on Jay’s relationship strategies and coaching programs, please visit: JayCataldo.com