How to Get over the Post Break-Up Guilts

Q: I have just recently ended a three year relationship, yet I am receiving a lot of guilt from my ex-boyfriend and his family. How do I avoid taking on this post break up guilt and how do I feel confident about who I am again?

In order to regain your self-confidence, you need to re-establish your sense of self as an individual versus one half of a pair. In your situation, living your life without interruptions or reminders from this past relationship is best way to do so, guilt-free. This all begins with setting boundaries, but learning how to do this without feeling guilty is a problem for many women, particularly those who are frequent people pleasers.

Though I am a proponent of individuals staying friends after a break-up, even adults need a "time-out" before a post-relationship friendship can be established. In order to put a stop to the guilt you are getting, you need cut off close connections, at least for the time being. Clearly, and understandably, your ex-boyfriend and his family are feeling the pain, so don't do this cold turkey! If you can, set up some one-on-one time so that you can express your needs directly to your ex. If not, a sincere note will suffice. Whatever you do, don't put a time limit to it or else you will be ceding control, the very control you will need to move on successfully.

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