How to Marry a Loser without Even Trying

Q: What inspired you to write your book “How to Marry a Loser without Even Trying”

After my marriage was over I realized I'd learned a lot from my experiences. Not just about my ex but about myself. I knew that many women have made the same mistakes as me and I really wanted to share what I had learned so that maybe I could help someone avoid those same pitfalls.


Q: For many, low self esteem makes it hard to date. How can they gain confidence to help them overcome this issue?

That's a tough one. Self-esteem is affected by so many different things, some in a person's past and some in the present. One thing I will say is that no one should be going out of their way to find a date until they can be truly happy with themselves. Spend some time getting to know what you like and don't like. People don't value alone time enough. Focus on what you love about yourself and celebrate that. Acknowledge the areas you feel need to change and do the work yourself. Don't look to other people for that. Only when you can truly value yourself will you have the confidence to get out there and meet someone who will treat you like the gem that you are.


Q: Please list three first date mistakes every woman should avoid.

This may sound old fashioned but no sex on the first date. Don't start planning your life with this person right away. Just relax and take the time to enjoy yourself. Keep it light. Don't start ranting about the horrible day you had or venting about your last relationship. Keep the conversation fun and upbeat.


Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?

This is one I've changed my opinion on over the years. I used to say "Sure, why not?" but now I don't think it's that simple. There's a difference between being "friends" and being "friendly." Certainly it's healthy to be friendly after a break up that was on mutual good terms. But continuing to "hang out" with an ex as though nothing has changed will inevitably lead to mixed signals for one or both parties. And it will certainly cause complications when one person moves on to another relationship. I think it's best to go your separate ways but remain friendly.


Q: Best but least expected places to meet single men?

Honestly you can meet single men anywhere. Granted in some cities this is easier than others. Being from NY, I've met plenty of men in the grocery store, out with friends, at dinner parties, or just walking down the street. I really don't think there's a limit or a best place.


Q: What advice would you give to singles who have put their lives on hold until “they meet the one?”

I think this is a mistake. You have to live your life. Go out and  enjoy yourself. Date. We grow through our experiences and that's what will draw "the one" to you. Don't limit yourself, because more than anything else closing yourself off will be a barrier to meeting your soul mate.

Q: What’s the biggest mistake single women make when it comes to meeting men?

They rush things. Instead of just taking time to get to know someone and seeing what grows out of a friendship they are immediately looking for this instant bond that means they've met their future husband.


Q: In the world of online dating, there are many double dippers. What are some tell tale signs that the person on the other end of the screen is a cheater?

If there's always a reason why they're not free to meet in person that's a sign. Or if they don't want you to see where they live. BIG red flag there.


Q: For many, the dating process can lead to feelings of disappointment and inadequacy. How can individuals avoid those negative emotions or be better equipped to deal with them?

Just accept that rejection and disappointment are a part of life and not everyone you date is going to work out. It's OK, it happens to everyone. I always think that if something doesn't work out it simply wasn't meant to be and now the way is clear for me to meet someone even better.


Q: How can you know for sure if you are settling for Mr. Not So Right?

If you're paying attention and not just desperate to make something work, the red flags will sort of jump out at you. Do you get an uneasy feeling at the notion of spending the rest of your life with him? What qualities do you and this person share? Are you on the same level emotionally, intellectually, or even financially? Do you find yourself making excuses for him when you're out with other people? You need to be practical and honest with yourself and more likely than not you'll have your answer. Now all you need to do is decide "not" to settle.

To purchase Dee Sanderson's book, "How to Marry a Loser without Even Trying" click here!