Insights from Dating Coach, Kira

Madison, WI

Q: What's the biggest accomplishment you achieved on your own?
I am living it every day with my business. Two years ago I found what I was supposed to do, but the problem was that dating coaches were basically nonexistent; so I really had no idea where to even start. Every day since launching my business has been a roller coaster of fun as I research and learn how to run and grow a business in a challenging economy. So far, so good.

Q: What inspired you to start the "The Dating Makeover?"
Unlike other things like walking and talking, no one teaches us how to date. Plus, if we were never shown what a healthy relationship looks like, we may not even know how to be in one.

I meet amazing singles who have so much to offer, but don’t know how to communicate those qualities to others. Whether they are nervous, overeager, shy or hide behind their own personal Great Wall of China, many times the date never gets to see how truly wonderful they really are.

After coaching for a year, I developed the four-step dating-makeover process that every single 25-75 can learn from. By taking the time to clarify who you are, who is actually the right match for you, and how to put yourself out there to find it, you stop wasting your time.

I give my clients the tools to stop waiting and start creating the relationship they deserve.

Q: What advice do you offer to men and women who feel as though they will never meet the one?
Attitude is everything! If you didn’t believe you would succeed in other areas of your life, would you survive and prosper? I am a true believer that if you believe no one is out there, then no one will be. We are our own self-fulfilling prophecy.

One of the best parts of life is that we get to choose -- choose our attitude, choose our friends, choose our jobs and even choose who we date.

If you are frustrated by the people you have been dating, take a moment to realize that you had a choice to pick that person, date them and have them be a part of your life. It was your choice to decide how quickly you got involved, when you became intimate, how much to share, how much to listen. You were one half of that relationship and ALWAYS had control of your role in it. As my Mom always said, "If you point your finger at someone you have three pointing back at you."

Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your day. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. Bad things are going to happen, but we can choose to be a victim or to learn from it. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life.

You might as well live it with the idea that you will find the right person when you are ready.

Q: What the biggest lesson you have learned through your work in the singles community?
Many singles feel very alone. They think they are the only ones out there having a hard time dating and creating a healthy relationships. The truth is there are 100 million singles in the US alone, all with many of the same fears, challenges and questions. I think the more we get ourselves out there and help each other out the better.

Q: We understand that you are not a proponent of online dating. Can you please elaborate?
Yikes! You found me out.

Let me first say I am not against online dating. I just think too many people put all their eggs in one basket. Everyone may know a few couples who are dating or married who met online. But they probably know many, many more couples who met the old-fashioned ways such as through friends, work, running errands, etc. The numbers just are not there to spend every night winking at people.

If you are going to online date, do it as a way to start the conversation, not create a relationship. If you find their profile interesting, set up coffee. See if there is chemistry and enough interest for a second date and go from there. But always remember to ALSO get out there and make new friends, try new activities and do what you love. That will always take you farther than night after night shopping for your mate on a computer.

Q: What can a person expect when they sign up for a dating makeover with you?
A clearer head to what they offer and need from a relationship. Concrete tools on how to put themselves out there to attract the right people for them. More confidence in social situations and just an overall excitement to being single and dating. Plus, you get an energetic and spunky guide in the process.

The dating makeover isn’t about finding a relationship but creating a lasting one with the right person.

Q: Many people get to a point when they simply hate dating. How do you suggest they adjust their attitude?
I feel people start hating dating when they feel like they aren’t getting anywhere and are wasting their time. That is why it is so crucial to do some self discovery and figure out who is the right match for you and where to find them. No one is going to like dating if they feel like they are a hamster on a wheel.

Go into every date with child-like curiosity with the purpose to see if you are interested in having another. Even if this date isn’t “the one,” they may become a friend and who knows who they know. They may lead you to your next vacation, job or even your match.

Q: Do you think women can approach men and if so what are some ways in which they can make the first move?
I think anyone can approach anyone. Every situation is different. But if you are a woman who is wondering why you are rarely or never approached, start by looking at your body language. With a few subtle tweaks, you can go from ice to nice. Men are not going to come over and talk to you if you don’t seem interested. Would you?

Q: Any projects you are currently working on that would be of interest to our readers?
I am collaborating with the very fabulous Single Edition on a new Dating Mastery Teleseminar Series. Starting in October, we will be inviting dating experts from all over the US on a variety of dating topics. From getting over break-ups or shyness to flirting and body language, there will be at least one topic you have been dying to know about.

Next, I am doing a public dating makeover with two singles starting the New Year. I will be holding a contest where singles can nominate themselves or a friend. They will then go through the dating makeover and blog about their experience. At the end they will get a full makeover inside and out. Look for details on my site starting this fall.

Last but certainly not least, I am working with Singles Travel International on a Dating Makeover Cruise this February. Who doesn’t want to learn how to be your best self while exploring the Caribbean with other singles?