Jack

Q: It appears as though you have drawn a lot of wisdom from your Mom.  How has her advice shaped your life as a single man in New York City?

My parents' relationship forms the basis of all my concepts on love. They're the reason I've never cheated on a woman, why I believe the second you stop "dating" your partner, your relationship starts to die. But Mom is something special. Her capacity for compassion is rivaled only by her intolerance for bullshit. The single best piece of advice she ever gave me is also the hardest to apply: never love anybody more than they love you. I'm still figuring out how to practice that; I've never been good at mixing passion and practicality.

Q: Given the relationship you have with your mother, what would you do if she did not approve of someone you were dating seriously?

Mom lives by a strict non-interference policy. She knows that, like her, I'll listen intently to what everyone (including she) has to say, and then I'm gonna do what the hell I want. But I'd have to look carefully at someone she didn't like; her instincts are rarely wrong.

Q: On your blog F*ckin in Brooklyn the tagline reads “Love as a Life or Death Experience”   - what can you tell us about the emotions that fall in between?

In-between lies the entire human experience. How you give and accept love defines your character, which love hones, whether you want her to or not. Love has taught me (among other things) humility, forgiveness, patience and courage, sometimes in the least delicate way possible. If you're smart, you accept her lessons and you grow. Love owes you no favors; the sword does not curse the grinding wheel for being abrasive.

Q: Now that we understand how you define love, can you tell us your thoughts on friendship?

Whoever said blood is thicker than water clearly never met my friends. Friends are the family that you choose. Lovers come and go, but friends are there through it all, if you've chosen well. And if a friend becomes a lover, what could be better?

Q: Your first marriage left you devastated financially and emotionally. How did you find the strength to start over?

After I crawled out of a bottomless bottle of overproof rum, I put myself in therapy. When that failed to lift me out of despondency, I turned to my first love, music, and began to pour myself into songwriting. Then one day, a miracle happened: right in the middle of a project, my computer died. My data was irretrievable; I had no choice but to start over from the beginning. That was the epiphany: once you finish mourning the future that never was and never will be, you're free to create a future entirely of your own choosing.

Q: What were some of the critical lessons you learned during this time?

I remember feeling like a complete failure when my marriage ended. In the shadow of my parents 56 year marriage, the paltry four years I eked out was shameful, embarrassing. It took me a long time to realize it takes two to make it work; it only takes one to f*ck it up beyond all recognition. Also critical was overcoming the fear of feeling again. Becoming emotionally inaccessible is a sure way to deflect some sorrows, but you sacrifice an equal amount of joy in the process. I learned to embrace the intractable honesty of my scars as the metaphysical narrative of my life. They are badges of honor; proof positive I've lived, loved, lost and survived. And I learned to protect my credit rating.

Q:  You dabbled for some time as a model – how did that experience affect your idea of beauty?

I was an awkward kid: I had a diasthema and a speech impediment. I was convinced girls would never like me for my looks, so I worked hard on being well rounded. When I fell ass backwards into modeling, it didn't change my opinion of myself. As for my dating life: being constantly surrounded by beautiful women made me oblivious to it. In New York City pretty bodies are commonplace; beautiful souls are far harder to find.

Q: You really have a gift with words. Are there any books, classes or groups that have helped you hone your skills as a creative writer?

I'm unlettered; a product of the New York City public school system. I am however, a total book whore (which I blame on Mom for reading to me from infancy). I think the general rule is: if you want to write great stuff, read great stuff. Most importantly, remember: human experience is not unique. Anybody can recount events, it's all how you tell the story. Great stories remain long after the protagonists are gone and the events have been lost to antiquity.

Q: If there is such a thing as a perfect first date, what would yours be?

An uncrowded restaurant. Conversation without pretense. Laughter, sharing, discovering a genuine connection. A long walk whilst holding hands, a goodnight kiss. Floating home on the promise of what's to come.

Q: Any other words of wisdom?

Nothing great in life is accomplished by timidity. Live boldly, take risks. Don't be afraid to lose, it's easier to live with mistakes than regrets. F*ck your ego, screw your pride. Love hard, learn to let go.



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Love as a Life or Death Experience
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