Military Servicing

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Q: I've been secretly seeing someone for almost two months though we are not supposed to be dating because of our rank differences - he's a higher rank than I am. But I really do like him and I think he likes me.. I spend many a night at his place but we cannot go out together for fear of being spotted. If we get caught he will most definitely get in some trouble. What should we do?. This is the first guy I've met in a long time that I really want to be with, but on the other hand he makes comments about a "perfect" girlfriend he had from when he was down range. My understanding is that she'll be out of the picture soon because shes getting out. I'm petty sure they aren't together anymore. What do I do?

Clearly you are in the military, so let me begin by thanking you for your service. Your question describes a relationship that is proscribed by military rules put in place for a reason. One reason is discipline, and another is to protect those in lesser rank from feeling pressured by persons in higher ranks to participate in relationships. While your relationship may be entirely consensual, think of those persons who might unfortunately need the protection of those rules. Your military career and entitlement to post-service benefits are at stake, no less your reputation. Indeed, your last comment about his mentioning a former girlfriend, and the fact that the two of you can only "stay in," makes me question if this is a relationship or just an arrangement. I suspect that deep down you know you deserve more than that.

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