Notes from a Modern Single Mama

Q: Where are you from?
I was born in southern California but started kindergarten in Oregon, so I've always considered myself an Oregonian, even though I think I must have been Italian in my last life. (To explain my love of wine, espresso and the way my heart sings riding on a motorino).

Q: What inspired you to start writing your blog Modern Single Momma?
I started blogging in November of 2007. Modern Single Momma is my way of making sense of my life as a single mother and connecting to a world beyond the one room apartment I share with my son. Writing is therapeutic. I've always kept a journal, but what is magical about blogging is the way it connects you to others.

Q: How does it feel to be one of the most successful single mom bloggers today?
It's an honor. Every time I read the comments from my readers cheering me on, offering advice, sharing stories from their own life, I am humbled and filled with gratitude. I believe success in the blogosphere comes not to those who hide away their "issues" but to those who courageously face them. I've learned that we don't all have the same stories or journeys as single parents, but the fact that we share in the immediate experience of it is an amazing bond. It's a powerful sisterhood and I am very proud to be a part of it.

Q: You are raising your son Lucca entirely on your own. What have been some of the most difficult challenges of solo parenting and how did you deal with them?
One of the most challenging areas of solo parenting is how to deal with those rain- cloud-over-the heart bad days. We all have them. We wake up on the wrong side of the bed, something in the world just isn't right, we are sick or we are tired. But we still have to find the energy and morale to keep going because somebody we love is depending on us to feed them, bathe them, dress them and hug them and show them the world is a good place to be. I'm not sure if I've figured out completely how to deal with this yet, but one thing I've learned is to try to be as gentle to myself as I am to my child. I let myself cry if I need to. I rest when he rests, I put off emails, housework, etc. and turn on quiet music and write...and I tell myself "this too will pass."

Q: What are 3 things you do to maintain a healthy balance in your life?
I carve out quiet time for myself every morning before Lucca wakes up to read, pray, reflect on possibilities. I try to eat as clean as possible most of the week, meaning lots of live foods like vegetables and nuts.When I go out, though, I enjoy micro brew beers, french fries and pizza. I do yoga and crossfit work outs, even if I only have 20 minutes, because excercise does as much for my mental health as it does for my body.

Q: What advice would you give to suddenly singles that are getting back into the dating game?
Spend time journaling about what you are looking for in your ideal mate. Be specific about the character traits you admire in a person. Become the person who you would enjoy spending alone time with, and genuinely enjoy your alone time. Value yourself enough to know you deserve to date and spend time with people you admire and respect.

Q: What are some of your rules that Single Moms (and Dads…) should live by?
1. Be proud of your family
2. Pursue your own ambitions and dreams by carving out time for yourself each day.
3. Nurture a sense of possibility in all things, including love

Q: What is the single most important lesson you learned by being a single mom?
Happiness is a choice. Don't let your life situation dictate your level of joy, gratitude or sense of possibility and goodness in the world.

Q: What do you love about being single?
What is great about being single is that you have the freedom to spend time on your own personal and/or spiritual growth. The more I learn to love life in general, the more love I have to share with my son and the big, beautiful world we are a part of.

Q: Any other words of wisdom?
The most important thing we can do for our own health and happiness is to learn how to listen to, and be guided by, that which is Greater. Every moment is a new chance to do that. If you need to hit the metaphysical reset button on life, you can.