On Being the Other Woman

 

Q: I have been single for close to a decade. The last boyfriend I had was in 2001 and we broke up. We met again after 8 years and realize that we love each other. Unfortunately, my boyfriend is married to another woman and they have children. I know it is wrong to fall in love with a married man, but my boyfriend told me he never was in love with his wife and they are not compatible. He wants to continue the relationship that we have. Is it ok to continue the relationship that I have right now? How can I help him?

 

 

 

It’s interesting that you refer to this man as your boyfriend several times in your letter. While he may have played that role in your previous life, nearly a decade has gone by and things clearly are very different from where you last left off. It may be hard for you to fathom, but as long as he is married and living in the same house as his wife and kids, his primary role remains as husband and father, no matter how you may want to convince yourself otherwise.

For many singles, reconnecting with a past love is comforting, exciting and safe.  But when that person is married you become an accomplice to a major moral transgression. If what you want most is to help this man then give him the proper chance to address his marriage issues without you as a distraction or safety net. As for yourself, remember that every minute spent with a married man is another opportunity wasted in finding that someone special you deserve.