On Demand Dating Wrecks

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Q: Where are you from?
I was born in North Carolina, but I have lived in the metro Atlanta area since I was three years old. I <3 Atlanta and will probably never want to live anywhere else.

Q: Biggest accomplishment you achieved on your own?
Without a doubt, the biggest accomplishment that I've achieved solo was having a planned midwife-assisted homebirth with my son. I was in labor for two days and it was hard -- the hardest thing I've ever done -- but nothing compares to the satisfaction of being able to hold that boy in my arms, knowing that I did it -- no medications, no interventions... just me.

Q: You have your own blog. Can you tell us a little bit more about it and what inspired you to start writing about your life?
After my divorce, I did a little online dating. Met a man and dated him for three years. When I found myself single in August of 2008, it was a natural thing to just try online dating again. This time, however, I found that it was quite a bit different than when I had done it three years previously. It had become more popular and therefore, quite saturated with freaks and weirdos. I was chronicling my dating experiences on a mother's message board, full of mostly married mothers. They LOVED my stories -- loved hearing about the successes, but even more so, the failures. Eventually, people were begging to hear more and someone suggested I start blogging about it. I had never really blogged before, but I decided to give it a shot. The response was overwhelming -- submissions began immediately rolling in and it only took a few months before my stats were shooting upwards. The blog has evolved a bit since the inception -- it's mostly submission based entries or reader requested articles. I still have to share some of my experiences though, because really... you just wouldn't believe some of the things that I run into! The rest, as they say, is history.

Q: What is the funniest "dating wreck" story that has ever been submitted to you?
Ahh, this is a near-impossible task... I'd probably have to narrow it down to two. The first is about a guy named Aussie Rick -- at face value, Rick is just a full-of-himself, run of the mill douche. But take a trip through the comments section, and you'll discover he is so much more. One of his previous "girlfriends" found my blog and blasted him -- unloading all her frustrations on him and sharing with the world that he was, essentially, a con-man and would move from city to city, finding women to mooch off of, sleeping on couches and eventually working his way into their beds. It was a surprising find.

The other one that comes to mind is Geek Effect, or Louis. Louis was just a regular looking dude who, after about two minutes of conversation sent me NUMEROUS pictures of his, um... unmentionables. It was UNREAL. Every couple of months, he emails me again, seemingly with amnesia, never recollecting that he's emailed me before. This is one that you have to SEE to believe.

Really though, there are SO many great/awful/amazing wrecks out there -- if online dating stays free, we can only look forward to many more.

Q: For many singles holidays, weddings and other special events can be painful. What are some coping tools to help individuals get through those moments?
You've got to work out a network of friends -- lots of people, women and men -- a full network of platonic friends.Don't make the mistake of putting your friends on the back burner when you start dating someone, either. This can cause irreparable damage to your friendships -- treasure them. Sometimes, they're all you've got.

Find time to volunteer during the holidays. There are always plenty of opportunities and many needs to be met. It's also a very simple and easy way to meet someone else who is willing to give their time and energy to a worthy cause -- that's definitely a date-able trait!

As far as weddings go, just get comfortable in your own skin. If you love who you are, you aren't going to feel awkward at a wedding or other traditionally couple-based social events. Sure, it's easier said than done, but it's something you've GOT to do. The people who find and have lasting relationships are the ones that don't need them to live -- get comfortable with yourself, fall in love with yourself... Be a little selfish during this period of being single and, when you find a mate, it will be just the icing on the cake.

Q: Best spot to dine out alone in your area?
There's a little cafe in the Poncey-Highlands area of Atlanta, off Highland Ave called Cafe di Sol. I LOVE THIS PLACE. Seriously - it's perfect for couples, slightly romantic but effortlessly. It's also a really busy place on the weekend, a great place to meet other singles. A trellised covered patio, with candles on every table and a slick interior with a good-sized bar. The staff is always friendly and the blackened chicken salad sandwich speaks to me! They also have the Grapefruit Rosewater Martini, voted one of the best in Atlanta. I'll go there, sometimes on Saturday or Sunday afternoons with a book. It's bliss.

Q: What advice would you give to singles that have put their lives on hold until “they meet the one?”
Um, I suppose my only piece of advice would be, "Stop it!" Your life doesn't end if you're single. Really, there are so many more opportunities for you to spread your wings when you're single -- you're not tied to one city, you can travel as you please. You feel like dropping everything to do that backpacking trip you've always wanted to do in Europe? Feel free! I also don't believe in the "the one" -- I think that's propaganda being fed to us by greeting card companies, chocolate manufacturers and diamond importers. There are limitless possibilities to finding love. Do they all have to last forever? Of course not. It would be great if they did, but you're setting yourself up with really high expectations when you do that. Enjoy your time as a single person, it's not a curse.

Q: Breaking up with friends is one of the hardest things to do. What’s the best way to handle it?
I'm a pretty upfront person and while this approach may not work for everyone, I just face things head-on. If I've got an issue with a friend (or really anyone), I'll chew on it for a few days, choosing my words carefully, and then I'll address it. Everything has an expiration date -- sometimes we outlast those expiration dates, sometimes we don't. Take the time to weigh out the options. If it's just an issue that you feel needs addressing, if the person is a quality human being and mature, they'll hear you out and, if need be, make changes in their actions. If it's a negative relationship, and it's healthier for you to bail on a friendship, don't feel bad about it. If you're just being catty and ending a friendship because someone hurt your feelings, get over yourself and put your big kid undies on.

Please visit Jami's blog: Dating Wrecks

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