On the One that Got Away

Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?

Unless you’re in high school, or possibly college, but even then, maintaining a friendship after a break-up is not realistic.  Let’s face it; if both parties still enjoyed spending time together, they wouldn’t be breaking up. A lot of times the one breaking up suggests the friend thing as a way to soften the blow, and if the one being dumped accepts that, it really only means that they’re holding out for the possibility that the relationship will be rekindled.  If you’re not into it, cut your losses and move on; and if you’re the one being let go – go. 

Q: Many people get to a point when they simply hate dating. How do you suggest they adjust their attitude?

I’m not sure what the magic words are for an attitude adjustment when one reaches the point of hating dating – if you know what they are, I’m sure my mother would appreciate it if you shared them with me. Ha!  It’s not that I hate dating, but at this point in my life, I’m completely okay with not dating.  After all, my book, The Ones That Got Away – A Dating Memoir is an elaborate answer to the question, “Why are you still single.”

Q: How can guys turn a female friend into a long-term love?

There isn’t any special trick in turning a friend into a long-term lover.  That has to do with chemistry, and that is either there or it isn’t – it can’t be created. 

Q: Best Online dating tip you offer to bachelors?
Online dating tips…  Don’t put in your bio that you have an honorary degree from Hogwarts. 

Q: Please tell us how nice guys can finish first.
Nice guys can absolutely finish first.  They just can’t allow themselves to be patsies.  You can be nice and still stand up for yourself and what you believe in.  You know, that’s one of the key things women look for in men – a backbone.  Women need to respect their men.

Q: Secret sex tip every man should know about
Secret sex tip? I may not be the authority on this but I’d have to go with… listen.  If we say, “That’s it, now don’t move from that spot,” DON'T MOVE.  If we say, “Can you go a little faster?” speed it up.  If we say, “Harder,” pound away!  And for Pete’s sake, if we ask, “What are you doing?” stop whatever it is – it’s not working.

Q:  How you keep and decorate a home says a lot about a man. What are some bachelor pad must haves that will make a good first, second or overnight impression?
For a real bachelor pad, there isn’t a woman out there that should be expecting floral throw pillows, and if that’s what you find, then you should probably be a little suspicious of your “bachelor.”  What I like is cleanliness.  I don’t like to see furniture with so must dust that you can write messages in it.  Things should be neat and tidy – clothes shouldn’t be lying around, counters shouldn’t be covered with six months of mail, sinks should not be full of dirty dishes.  Oh, and the most important of all, bathrooms – toilets in particular – should be clean.

Q: How can a guy who's not good at flirting get good?
Flirting is an art.  Now if you have dimples, sometimes that’s all you need – a simple little upturned smile with dimples and an all-knowing twinkle in your eye is very playful (think Sawyer on Lost).  I believe it’s the playfulness that makes a successful flirt. I don’t know if you can teach it.

Q: How can men who are attracted to "mean-girls" break the pattern?

They should seek professional help.  I don’t have any tolerance for mean – it’s a form of abuse that comes from insecure people who think of no one but themselves.  So whether it’s a woman being battered by a man, or a man being bullied by a woman, there must be some deep-rooted psychological reason for why someone would be drawn to that type of repugnant behavior and they should get the proper help to stop it.

Q: Taboo topics in the getting to know you phase.

When first getting to know someone, two major taboo topics are past relationships and future plans.  No one wants to hear all the gory details over failed relationships – it’s similar to being on a job interview and bad mouthing all your previous employers; that never gets you the job.  Nor does anyone want their next fifty weekends planned out for them while they’re just trying to decide whether to order dessert or not. And then, of course, there are the common sense things to avoid (i.e. my list of 13  things men should not do on a first date)

Q: Signs that a woman/man is into you?

When someone is ‘into’ you it’s obvious, you don’t need signs.  They’re around – they call, they write, they text.  They make specific plans with you for future dates (one at a time, remember, not fifty).  They don’t disappear for days on end and then call at the last minute as if you’re some last resort.  Basically it’s the opposite of how someone acts when they’re not into you.  Tina Fey once remarked about how guys have so many ways to ignore women these days – and she was right.  But when a man is into you, you know it.

Q: Unfortunately, many men have no clue how to seduce a woman. What is your secret in taking that first step?
I don’t think there’s a big secret to seducing a man.  “Wanna do it?” usually works.

Q: How do you know when to give up on a relationship and break up?

It’s time to pack it in when you realize that you’re unhappy more than you’re happy.  All relationships take work, but if you find you’re constantly over analyzing every little detail of who did and said what, and what that 'really meant,' it’s time to call it quits.  And let's not forget, if you see your lover’s name on Caller ID and you react like it’s a bill collector, that’s another surefire sign it’s over.  Cut your losses and move on.