Oral Sex Inhibitions

Q: I am a single man in my forties living in New York. While I have no problems meeting women and dating, I have a hard time performing oral sex on the women with whom I become intimate. Many of them have called me selfish. Can you offer any guidane?

You should know that not everyone performs oral sex on their partners, even in the best relationships where the idea of being selfish does not enter the equation. You might first try showering together so each of you is clean and have fun under the water, touching and teasing- then have oral sex (if you are uncertain about how to please your partner, ask her). If that doesn't make the act easier for you, be certain that you learn what other things your partner enjoys during foreplay-listen, learn and spend enough time pleasuring her in ways that turn her on-don't hold back on the time, affection and attention she needs and desires.

Oral sex is an intensely emotional and physical component of sexual intimacy but not doing it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. If you are referred to as selfish because it is something you avoid, find out why your partner feels that way by initiating the conversation. For a committed couple, emotionally connected to each other, talking will help your partner understand that avoiding oral sex is about you and that your intention is not to reject her. But your responsibility doesn't end there- with love and curiosity, find other ways to satisfy her.

DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a substitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.

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