Painful Sex Complaints

Q: I am dating a woman who often complains of pain during intercourse. Does this make us physically incompatible or are there ways we can alleviate this pain?

No, this does not necessarily indicate that you and your partner are physically incompatible and indeed, it can be an opportunity to learn more about each other. Pain on intercourse can result from a psychogenic or physical cause. If your partner has not had a GYN exam in the last several months, start with that to rule out any medical/physical issue. Speaking with a physician will also clarify and differentiate actual pain from discomfort, which might be due to tenseness. When no medical condition is present, your partner can try to alleviate the pain in several ways: a. give herself permission to fantasize, before and during sex, which can help her relax b. add a good lubricant (such as Astroglide) prior to intercourse, perhaps as part of foreplay c.take time and focus on foreplay, which will enhance her own lubrication d. together, discuss what sexual position and speed is best for her and what you can do to make her more comfortable. If none of these suggestions helps, talking with a certified sex therapist most likely will.

DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a subtitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.

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