Post-Divorce Survival Tips for Men

Two College sweet hearts get married at 24, have three kids and ultimately live in a beautiful home in the suburbs. The super couple, you know the ones who always walk hand-in-hand or are the first to hit the dance floor at weddings and other special events, suddenly announce to friends and family they are calling it quits after 16 years. It's a common story.

Yet in today's break-up scenario, it is the women who are falling short in the long-term commitment, looking for something beyond the conventional marriage (if you don't believe us, just pick up a copy of Elizabeth Gilbert's Bestselling book "Eat Love Pray.") And what we are left with is an onslaught of full-time, hard working men (still wanting to make the relationship work) out on their own for the very first time. How does a single man start over without letting his pride, lack of time or awareness get in the way?

Post divorce pressures are very different for men than they are for women. For the suddenly single guy, introspection, support, life balance and finding reliable help present the biggest challenges. While a vast library of resources is available to women, when it comes to men and divorce it seems we are just setting the precedence.

If you newfound status has you living out of boxes, a hotel or your office, please know that you are one in a growing number of plenty. Divorce entails a number of transitions and here are some pointers to get you through some of those changes:

1. Think It Through in Therapy: It may be natural to experience self-blame, anger, feelings of worthlessness or a shattered self-image as a result of a broken marriage but when it comes to healing, those feelings can be caustic. In order to reclaim your personal power, you may just need the validation and perspective that only a neutral party can offer. If you have not already sought counseling it is time to put your ego aside and enlist the help of a therapist. Ask friends or family for a referral or search for a counselor in your neighborhood at find-a-therapist.com.

2. Get Group Support: The best way to treat the "woe is me" syndrome is to recognize you are not alone. Many men feel they are unique because of their marital problems, and it is encouraging to hear that other people have similar difficulties. In a support group, you will meet people with similar experiences who will offer support, advice and helpful mechanisms for coping. At DivorceCare.com you can find thousands of divorce recovery support group meetings throughout North America, so be sure to check it out.

3. Make Your Needs Known: Just when you need them most, your best buddies may seem to be MIA. Don't take it to heart! When it comes to your new situation, your good guy friends are probably more clueless than care less. Be sure that you clearly communicate your needs to a few of your closest friends so that you do not have to tackle relocation, isolation, and day-to-day living on your own. Don't be afraid that your needy ways will make you seem less manly - even the most powerful figures from Presidents to C.E.O.'s have a coterie of trusted aids which they rely on for guidance and support.

4. Click New Circles: Unfortunately there are many more casualties than the couple at odds that get caught up in the mess of a marital break-up. It is quite common to lose friends and relatives you inherited through your spouse in the divorce settlement. While we wish we could offer a pain-free fix to fill this void all you can do is properly mourn the end of lost relationships. As hard as it may seem, try to see this as an opportunity to forge new friendships or reconnect with lost friends. After all you never know who is waiting to be poked on Facebook.

5. Find an Outlet: Whether your sudden shift in status finds your super swamped or with more spare time than you know how to deal with, it is important to have an outlet for toxic energy. More than ever what you need is to feel a sense of accomplishment it will keep you well-balanced and prevent you from any sort of self-destructive behavior. So pick an activity or hobby, something you are passionate about, through which you can release feelings of anxiety, anger, guilt and sadness.

6. Delegate to Handy Helpers: Chances are you divvied up the day-to day living arrangements with your ex and now you must assume responsibility for all of the cooking, cleaning and shopping. First off, don't think you are alone. Personal helpers, from chefs and fashion stylists to dog walkers and babysitters are readily available at very affordable rates. Just think sittercity.com, consideritdone.com, hireachef.com, petsitusa.com. You can also barter services with a neighbor or friend or check out favorville.com a novel website based out of Canada where individuals offer to help one another for free!