Safe Sex with Herpes?

Q: I am dating a man whom I care for very much and we have not yet been intimate. At first I thought we were just taking things slowly but last week he confessed that he has herpes and did not want to do anything to jeopardize my health or our relationship. As you can imagine, I am freaked out by this news and even though he has assured me I will not be at risk if we use a condom, I am finding that hard to believe. Can you please give me the straight facts on this topic?

 

 

 

 

 

Although I understand the freaked out feeling you had when you learned the guy you're dating has herpes, let's try to look at this situation in a positive light.  First, I'm glad he shared this information with you rather than having sex and trying to hide it.  It might indicate that he really does care about you, wants something longer term with you and is an honest and considerate guy.  That said, you need to protect yourself by getting some facts from him, such as: has he seen a doctor for this condition, has he taken medication, is he in the midst of a outbreak or is the herpes in remission?  I suggest you make an appointment to speak with a trusted gyn or internist after getting his sexual history and before you have sex with him.  Usually, once the herpes is treated, you can safely have intercourse using a condom for protection BUT, as I said, please get specific advice from your doctor.

I don't know your age or how long you've dated this man, but something good can potentially come from this situation.  His honesty is a great foundation on which both of you might share vulnerable, personal concerns and become more connected.  Always remember that intimacy means more than intercourse, so try to change things up in and out of the bedroom. Once the herpes discussion is resolved, keep the romance and communication a priority.    

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DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a subtitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.