Sudden Split

When we founded SingleEdition.com, I did not know how readers would respond to our website. Your note has touched a chord in my heart and I am thankful that you have found the courage and trust to reach out to me directly.

I sense that you are just as kind as you are shocked by the most recent turn in your marriage. I must point out that people don't just shut down so abruptly. Your wife's behavior is clearly an outburst based on a significant event or emotions that have been pent up for quite sometime now. It is not unusual for a significant milestone, such as a thirtieth birthday, to trigger such abrupt behavior because with it comes inner-reflection.

As she enters this next phase in her life, can you together find a way to reconcile your "strong personality" with her needs for independence and control? Altering the dynamics of a relationship that started so early on in your adult lives is possible but both parties must be committed to making the change. And you must be in communication with one another.

Based on your description, there is no excuse for her behavior and after twelve years of marriage and good communication you deserve an explanation. However, if you want to break the silence you must do so without putting too much pressure on the situation. Sending her a note with this request is probably the safest approach. If that does not work, you may want to enlist the help of an intermediary such as a relative or mutual friend, to set it up for you. When you do meet, you may want to suggest couples therapy or mediation. If she is willing, a trained professional can help resolve the current conflict, or at least help you get a better sense of what went wrong.

In the meantime, remember it is natural for you to be experiencing self-blame, anger, feelings of worthlessness or a shattered self-image . In order to reclaim your personal power of self, you may just need the validation and perspective that only a neutral party can offer. If you have not already sought counseling for yourself, I encourage you to enlist the help of a therapist or personal life coach.

Last, you need also recognize that you are not alone. Many men feel their marital problems are unique, and it can be helpful to learn that other people have similar difficulties. In a support group, you will meet people with similar experiences who can offer advice and helpful mechanisms for coping. Since you live in New York, I am sure it will be easy to find a group and worth checking out.

I hope this note has helped you and that you will take good care of yourself.

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