Suddenly Single and Trying to Start Over

Q: I am a 39 year old widow, my wife passed away more than 3 years ago. Although she was and always will be the love of my life, I cannot continue to live in complete isolation. Though I have started dating again, we were together for so long I can never bring myself to being intimate with someone else. I simply need to know if my behavior is normal after this much time and how I can get past the fear of being intimate with someone new.

I know it must be very difficult to imagine yourself being intimate with someone else so I suggest you stop trying to do that for right now. You loved your wife very much and it seems like you are not ready, at the moment. Since you say you don't want to live in isolation in the future, I have a few suggestions to move you forward. When dating, take things slowly (in your mind, think of having a good time rather than what sexual expectations your date may have of you). Place a heavy emphasis on creativity, fun and communication when together. Be aware of what words and/or behavior make you feel too vulnerable, beyond which point you feel afraid of being intimate with someone new. Finally, you might consider speaking with a professional about your concerns. In an office setting, the therapist can get the details needed and you can get the answers to your questions. Good luck.

DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a subtitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.

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