Suddenly too Soon

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Q: At 53 years old I find myself suddenly single. My husband passed several years ago and I am just starting to date other men. Clearly I am concerned about the physicality of it all given that I am no spring chicken. What should I expect now that I am a plus something sexual senior?

Your decision to date sounds like a great way to start the new year. However, your 'concern about the physicality of it all concerns me because any kind of chronic worry can interfere with enjoyment, pleasure and later, sexual performance. Try to refocus your attention from thoughts of doubt to the idea that this is an opportunity to get out there, involve yourself in interesting activities and meet new men. Try to not get into the unrealistic expectations game of comparing yourself (sexually or image-wise) to what you hear and see in the media, or even to the woman next door.

It's great that you are 53- you must know your strengths, likes and dislikes and passions-trust yourself and be yourself. If you accept and appreciate your body (even some physcial limitations you may have) so will the men you date. Confidence is very sexy so when the time comes to be physical, go with what feels comfortable for you...and enjoy. Don't give into any perceived pressure, and discuss any issues you have with your new partner. In short, don't have expectations as a plus something sexual senior - - have desires.

DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a substitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.

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