The Dating Divide: What Men Really Expect
Q: Should a woman offer to pay on a date and must she send some sort of thank you message as a follow up if she does or doesn't like the guy? My friends and I keep having the same debate and thought you could settle the feud.
Funny timing, I have been revisiting these same issues with many of my female friends and clients over the last couple of weeks, and it seems that women are divided into two opposing camps. Some insist that these gestures totally violate a woman’s position of power on a date. And while I understand that view, my belief is that if you want to be treated like a lady, you sure need to behave like one. I am not discrediting traditional courting rituals --- as a matter of fact I believe that a man should be responsible for paying and pursuing, but my modern day approach has to factor in the male perspective.
After countless interviews and conversations with men, I have come to appreciate the concerns and challenges they too face. I’ve discovered that many guys go into amber alert mode when they come in contact with a woman with a one way policy and/or lavish expectations. In fact, to avoid falling for women who have an unhealthy sense of entitlement, they quietly look out for subtle gestures. In my view, extending a proper thank you (verbally or even by a quick text message) or at least offering to pay does not make you desperate, it simply demonstrates that you do not take things or the men in your life for granted. There will always be a divide of opinions but sometimes it helps to consider the other side.
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written by John, November 20, 2010
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