The No More Excuses Resolution

You've made the resolution to get your social life back in gear this New Year. Now the only one who can come between you and your no more lonely nights commitment is you.

Sound ridiculous and yet strangely familiar? When choosing to stay in rather than socializing, we are too often guilty of making excuses. While a certain amount of alone time can do wonders to replenish the mind and soul, it seems the social interactions we need to rejuvenate are the very ones we deliberately, or unconsciously, avoid.

Just take Deena as an example. Despite well-intentioned plans to get together with friends, nearly six weeks had passed since she kept any social commitments. "I have been feeling way to fat to go out," said the 37 year old project manager.

Body image/weight may be "the out" of choice for Deena, but age, marital status, work and fatigue are among the excuses most frequently cited.

Social disengagement, to which many of us succumb at various times in life, can become a vicious cycle with serious implications. In addition to the adverse health effects about which scientists have been postulating for years, reports suggest that some 20 percent of people -- roughly 60 million Americans -- feel sufficiently socially isolated for it to be a major source of unhappiness in their lives.

The New Year presents an extremely challenging time for many who are coming off the festive holiday highs, wishing they could hibernate like bears until after that dreaded V-Day. To maintain connectedness and prevent prolonged bouts of isolation, we must learn to recognize and stop making self-imposed restrictions. So the next time you find yourself resorting to the comforts of your couch (or office), here are some tips that will help you get out the door:

Excuse #1: "I have too much work:" - If long hours start threatening your personal life, you may be using work as an escape to fill a void in your life. Contrary to what you may think, that extra time you are "putting in" may actually be hindering your productivity.

Social Fix: To achieve better life balance, try setting and sticking to ground rules, like devoting one or two nights a week to friends or other group activities. If that's not enough, make a commitment up front that you simply cannot back out from doing specific activities, like registering to volunteer or signing up for a course that you paid for in advance.

Excuse #2: "I feel too fat:" - We hate to break it to you but "fat" is not a feeling. It's often a defense mechanism used when other emotions have us feeling overwhelmed, and negatively impacts decision making.

Social Fix: Try practicing H.A.L.T. The acronym, which stands for "Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired" is a behavioral technique which will help you identify when feelings/states of mind spin out of control. Taking a little time to ask yourself if you are feeling too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired will get you in touch with your feelings. From there you can take the steps needed (rest, eat, work out, meditate, connect) to change your outlook.

Excuse #3: "I am afraid to go alone:" - When it comes to going out solo, most of us have a distorted set of beliefs, which cause us to place ourselves within the social misfit category.

Social Fix: The only way to break out of your comfort zone is to take action. Start small with something fun and simple like a drink at an Irish pub or going to a movie, and keep challenging yourself to tackle new situations alone on a regular basis. Once you start venturing out there you will realize that following your own agenda is empowering, a great way to meet new people and a confidence booster that will help you in all aspects of your life.

Excuse #4: "I am too tired:" - It's easy to bail on friends when you are feeling fried, but being social does not necessarily have to involve a wild night out on the town.

Social Rx: Enjoying a quiet night in with others can be just as rewarding and far less taxing on your body. If you are looking for a stay-in activity that's casual, relaxing and cheap, consider having a revolving potluck dinner or card night with some of your friends each week. As for those wild nights, there is nothing like a 30 minute "disco nap" to get your energies restored!