The Social Man: Christian Hudson

Q: Please tell us a little bit more about your site The Social Man.

Back in 2004, I was asked by a friend to help him start a company to teach guys how to pick up women. By 2006, we were the biggest "pickup artist" training company in the world. I left around that time for a variety of reasons, and started TSM a few years later. The Social Man is one step further - we give guys no-compromise advice on how to attract and engage women, but we want guys of all stripes - whether they want to make the most of their single lives, or just want to find one special girl - to know that they have a home here.

Q: What's the biggest mistake single men make when it comes to meeting women?

Well, women will tell you that men don't relate to them well enough.  But men I talk to say that they can't attract the women they're actually interested in. So it depends on which sex you ask :)

Honestly though, the biggest mistake I see is when guys aren't having fun. If you're enjoying yourself and you have a smile on your face,women will take notice and want to talk to you. We've got a bunch of games that we teach our clients, for example, to make their social interactions more about enjoying themselves and less about achieving a particular outcome. And paradoxically, that always seems to get them what they want.

Q: Best but least expected places to meet singles?

Probably walking down the street. Most guys never stop to talk to women on the street, but it's pretty easy to stop a woman, give her a sincere compliment, chat with her for a minute or two, and walk away with a number if she's single. It takes a lot of confidence, but a guy who starts doing it can have a lot of fun once he gets the hang of it.

Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?

Only if there's been some space. People need time to grow on their own after a breakup, because they clearly weren't growing in the right direction together. Once that growth has occurred they can reassess and maybe be friends, or maybe even get back together. But this is one of those cases where patience is not only advisable, it's necessary.

Q: What are some first date mistakes every single guy should avoid?

Well, being cheap is a dealbreaker for most girls. Being boring isn't very good either. And you don't want to show too much sexual interest or be too needy. I usually suggest a drinks date. If it's going really well, let it go to two drinks. But always end it first - especially if you've been having fun. Most guys who are on good first dates want to push their luck - if you're the one who stands apart by ending it first, it'll keep her wondering what's up until she hears from you again. I'll caveat that by saying I've ended up in relationships with girls who I took to dinner on the first date, or invited to a social function, or whatever... but a drinks date is definitely a safe way to play it.

Q: For many, the pick-up line is the hardest one to come by. Any conversation starters you would recommend when approaching a stranger?

I came up with one of my favorites back at this bar in college. I'd been out jean shopping with a female friend, and learned a lot about girl jeans that day. I was at the bar later that night, and saw some girl wearing a pair that would have looked great on my friend. "Hey," I said. "Those jeans look amazing on you. I was shopping with my friend Brie today and we couldn't find any, but I feel like those would fit her perfectly. Mind if I ask where you got them and what brand they are?" This girl loved that I'd noticed that her jeans fit her, and it wasn't an obvious, direct compliment. That's a great way to start a conversation, and from there, you can tell her she's got good taste, you can joking tell her she should model for the jeans company, and so on. It's fun.

Q: Many people get to a point when they simply hate dating. How do you suggest they adjust their attitude?

Well I can't say that I love it myself... I'm much happier in relationships. But like anything in life, you can look at it as a goal to be achieved, or a set of experiences to enjoy and learn from. If you can approach dating as an experience to learn about others, and learn about yourself, then it becomes one of life's great adventures.

Q: Best Online dating tip you offer to bachelors?

I've never done it, but my buddy Race is all over it. You can't go wrong with having a really fun profile with a good description of yourself that makes you seem like someone that a woman would want to know.

Q: What other love lessons, if any, do you offer to bachelors?

Jeez, where to start. We could talk about everything from the guy's values and personal beliefs, to how to turn a woman on, to how to stay happy in relationships, to how to shed "nice guy" behaviors... it's pretty broad.

Q: How can guys turn a female friend into a long-term love?

Well, if there's a dynamic that he likes her but she doesn't like him back in that way, then he has to first break that. Better if it's not there to begin with. So maybe that's with space, or firm boundaries, or limited time to see her. It's NOT by being a jerk. But once that space is there, he can give her occasional compliments, but they have to be devoid of any emotion - almost factual statements - as if he was a safety engineer who'd just driven a Ferrari around a track. The guy isn't going to gush about it at risk of seeming unprofessional, but if it's a good car, he'll state the facts. Once a guy starts doing this with a woman, she'll wonder why he doesn't seem to want to get anything out of it. She'll usually start teasing him and testing him a bit, and this is where he can hold strong, reverse that chase dynamic, and let her come to him. It's a little more complicated than all that, but we've coached guys through it before.

Q: If at first you don't succeed, try again. On that note, should a guy be persistent if he is rejected by a woman?

I've dated girls who've initially rejected me, so I don't want to say that it can't happen, but honestly, once a girl has made her mind up about a guy, it's really hard to change it. If a guy "really" likes a girl he can try some different things, or he can come work with us. But unless he really wants to get strategic about it, it's best to move on. Wish I could say otherwise, but I know too many women and have heard too many stories about these situations to be overly optimistic. But hey - I'm still optimistic on sharing love with new people, and a guy can never go wrong when he's doing that.