The Urban Dater

Q: Best thing to happen to you since you started your blog TheUrbanDater?

I’d like to say that great riches befell me and that I’ve been interviewed by Morning Talk Show Hosts with legs for miles and that I’ve done book signings. However, that would not be accurate. I’ve been interviewed by one shifty fellow from Beirut who only wanted to see how my feet were, I’ve been approached to do podcasts. However, the most rewarding thing that’s happened to me since I started the Urban Dater was having my mom and her friends discuss my blog articles over holiday dinner.  Can you say awkward?


Q: Most popular question you receive from female readers and what’s your response?

This one's heart breaking because as much as I like to joke when serious matters are brought up, because I’m so mature, there's really no way to make heart break funny... I mean, I've tried and it never works! The question I get most is "How do I know if my man really loves me?" My answer is the same everytime: Threesome. If you give him a threesome he will love you. If, however, a threesome is out of the question because of how selfish you are then look at what your man does. How does he act? Does he do things that bring you closer together or push you further apart?


Q: Can you recommend a hot date night dish for those who are getting ready to cook for someone for the first time?

I'm not a good cook by any means. I'll tell you, though; women really love a man in the kitchen. They do! They see a guy going back and forth, preparing something for them to delight in (hopefully) and women think it's cute; they think it's adorable and sexy. Women EAT IT UP!! Even if it’s broccoli in a bowl!! However, don't kill the good vibes with bad food. I would choose something simple. My go-to dinner is Mediterranean fare. Home made hummus or tabbouleh are incredibly easy to make and can be done in about twenty minutes or less! A simple grilled chicken salad with bright veggies (I’m told women like bright colors and shiny objects) and some olive oil and you're good to go! It’s simple and it’s fresh and lends the appearance that a guy took a lot of time to prepare a meal that really didn’t take long at all.


Q: “Friends should not let friends text drunk.” How else should/can friends play dating interference?

It's weird how often "threesome" is the correct answer to most any dilemma. That would certainly work on me on any day ending in ‘Y.’ Offer a threesome. Try it. I double dog dare you!!


Q: How can people use Twitter to expand their dating pool?

I love Twitter, obviously! Twitter is amazing because it’s so easy to join in any conversation about any topic of interest. With the way it allows us to search we can find interesting people talking about OUR interests as far or as close to us as we want. Hash tags are your friends. Be specific in what you want, avoid obvious keywords like #dating #dates because you’ll find a healthy dose of people advertising services and goods or blogs (kinda like me). Do lookup your favorite venues on twitter, see what they tweet about, look at their hash tag usage and start searching that hash tag or related tags and see what you get. In no time you’ll find people talking about the things YOU want to talk about. Don’t believe me? Do your worst and see what you can find by searching Twitter: search.twitter.com/advanced


Q: Three signs that the person you are dating is about to get psycho on you?

Psychotic people share a few key attributes:

1. Spontaneous crying at the most awkward times.
2. Fascination with lighting shit on fire.
3. Inconvenient Internal Clock.

So, imagine the following scenario:
You’re watching ‘the Hangover,’ a comedy, when you notice your beau start to tear up at the part where Zach Galifinakis gets tazered in the face. Weird, right? Yet you go on to having post movie coitus. Oh, it’s a thing of beauty until you notice a whimper. You inquire if everything is okay only to see a river of tears streaming from a lakebed of sorrow.  What is this!?  Something is going on in their mind, they confide and it’s about the movie. Do you ask the follow up? Do you? They’re still crying and you want to be sensitive. “Honey, did the tazer to Zach Galifinakis’ face, um, upset you?” That’s when the tears break out into a complete f*cking flood. Get to your ark, young one; but no. You awkwardly comfort your partner with a bewildered look strapped to your face, ignoring the signs that your lover might be koo koo.

Fast forward to 3am; in a scene right out of ‘Paranormal Activity’ your kissy-face friend is standing above you while you sleep. You’re then pulled into consciousness by the shrill beeping of a fire alarm! You see your creepy bed buddy standing beside you making a bonfire out of what used to be your wardrobe!!! “What in the f*ck are you doing,” laughed the horrified adult. “Tazers are no laughing matter!! Thousands of people are hurt every year by tazers,” said the psychopath, quite matter of factly. At this point you take a moment to mull the logic of what your psychopath has said… You realize that the signs were there all along.


In short:
1.    Weird sleep schedule
2.    Pyromaniac
3.    Cries at watching comedies.


Q: Dating on the West Coast is better or worse than anywhere else because….

I've talked to many who have dated on both coasts. Generally speaking, people tend to say that dating on the East Coast is much easier. Just finding a date on the East Coast is easier. People are crammed together! People are more up front, there is less guess work. There's more single people in NYC than any other Metro area in the US! In fact, the majority of the Urban Dater's readership hails from NYC. In So. Cal we’re more spread out, so distance + traffic = convenience issues. I think the attitude in West Coast dating is different in that people are not as up front with who they are and what their intentions are.


Q: Your favorite local spot for drinks with (a) friends (b) a date (c) lots of pretty (or famous) faces

Date ideas are probably one of my favorite topics of discussion. One of my favorite spots for drinks with friends is a place my girlfriend introduced me to, in Pasadena. It’s called ‘T-Boyles.’ It’s in an alley, near a van down by the river. Ok, maybe there’s no river, but there is an alley. It’s a cool place where you can roll in wearing hair rollers and boxers and no one looks at you funny. We all need a local spot like that where you just BLEND. For a date, I’ve got a few spots in a few spots. I’ve got coffee spots, I’ve got drink spots and I’ve got dinner spots. If the gal I’m meeting just wants to meet for a “feeler” kind of date then I’ve got two coffee places that do the trick: Back to the Grind and McClain’s. They’re independently owned and very big on student art displays and live music. For drinks and Dinner: Lola Gaspar or Gabby’s. These places both feature Spanish fare and great locations and décor. It’s amazing what an important role a venue can have on a date. To see pretty faces, I’ve got my spot. It’s the Gypsy Den. @Winkwinkzoe laughs at me because she knows why I go. The women. So many lovely women frequent the Gypsy Den for lunch. It’s an endless parade of loveliness. It’s really not fair to have so many lovely women to look at while trying to eat lunch.


Q: Key to staying grounded amidst all the social media flutter?

Social Media constantly keeps us in the know with information and news. It keeps us engaged to the world around us. The problem with that is that we become fixed to our phones! How many times have you gone out for drinks or food with friends and notice that you are on your phone? Or that your friend is on theirs? When one of you reaches for your phone, it’s almost instinctive that the other person reaches for theirs! Finding balance is huge. Being able to say “put the phone away” is becoming more and more important. I observe this practice when hanging out with my friends now.


Q: Any other words of wisdom?

Going back to the question about where I’d take a date; I’ve long said where you take your date says a lot more about you than you think, whether you realize it or not. Taking a girl to coffee at Starbuck’s or the locally owned hole-in-the-wall is a pretty huge difference, even if you’re only meeting up for coffee. Where you go for a date is a reflection on your tastes, your thoughtfulness and overall intrigue. Choose your venue wisely. ;)

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