Thomas Edwards

Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?

It depends on the nature of the breakup and the origin of the relationship. I think relationships that were once friendships have a better chance of recovery after a break-up. Otherwise, you could be missing some fundamental commonalities, or foundation bricks as I call them, that will hurt any chance of returning to the friendship prior to the relationship. Either way, there needs to be time after a break up. Let things cool off and then approach the possibility of a friendship at a later time. I have exes who are friends of mine, I know guys who are friends with all of their exes so I know it’s possible.

Q: Many people get to a point when they simply hate dating. How do you suggest they adjust their attitude?

Negative thinking isn’t going to get you anywhere. Hate dating? In order to turn things around you must change your state of mind. I constantly talk about E & O – energy and optimism. When it comes to dating, being enthusiastic and having a positive outlook will certainly better your chances. No one wants to be around a sourpuss. People need to have a positive outlook and energy now more than ever and if you can provide that, you can be certain you’ll have better success in dating. Don't go on a date as if it's a job interview or on the first date you're weeding out Mr. or Mrs. Right with questions like “so when do you want to get married” or “do you have any baby mama or daddy drama?” Totally inappropriate for getting to know someone. Take a step back and look at how you approach dating. Is it a fun thing to do or do you feel it's a task? At that point you'll either realize that you've been going at it wrong and that's the reason you hate dating or you'll be in total denial and need my help.

Q: How can guys turn a female friend into a long-term love?

The difference between a friend and a lover is the sexual tension. Although it can be difficult, a friend can turn into a lover. It all starts from being flirtier, both verbally and physically with her. Let her know you’re sexually attracted to her. Supplement that by actually giving her the "you’d like to be with her as more than friends" vibe. It’s risky though because if she were to reject you, you risk compromising your friendship. So, if you were to lose a long-term friend, is it still worth it? However, these relationships tend to be some of the best one's in my opinion. My sister married her best friend who she's known since she was 16 yrs. old. She didn't consider her now husband to be her type but after a few years, she saw Mr. Right, right in front of her. Your long-term relationship needs to have a strong foundation so when times get hard you know that everything will not crumble.

Q: Best Online dating tip you offer to bachelors?

GET ON! There are plenty of quality women who you’ll never meet at a bar or club that are online. If anything, use it as a supplement to your current dating activity. Decide what kind of woman you are interested in, do research to find what sites they may be on and then get in on the action. People are getting married online for goodness sakes; why close yourself from the opportunity? Times of finding "the one" in a bar are fading out. People are too busy and too self-conscious to put themselves out there. Going online and having a filter to weed out the "wrong ones," talking via e-mail, then over the phone helps people build the confidence needed to meet in person. The mind automatically equates the facts that, "hey we've talked on the phone, sent e-mails back & forth so we know we have things in common so meeting in person should be fun now."

Q: Please tell us how nice guys can finish first…

As a “nice guy” myself, the way we can finish first is by taking the initiative. It looks like we finish last because we take the back seat to the “bad boys” who are more aggressive. If more “nice guys” were more confident in believing their quality as a “catch” and were more assertive, they’d have so much more success. Let’s be real. Women love the “bad boys” but they want to marry the “nice guys.” So what does that tell us? Women want a take charge, understanding, and strong gentleman otherwise known as the "assertive nice guy."

Q: Secret sex tip every man should know about.

Focus on foreplay. There are some women out there that love foreplay more than the actual point of penetration. Spend time exploring her body and finding out how she reacts to certain things. Over time, you’ll know every button you can push to take her to the edge. If you can drive her crazy in various ways, she’ll keep you around.

Q:  How you keep and decorate a home says a lot about a man. What are some bachelor pad must-haves that will make a good first, second or overnight impression?

Lighting holds significant importance. There’s a reason why romantic restaurants are dimly lit. If you can control your lighting, it’ll set an instant mood. Randomly, l think women also love seeing a stocked fridge. It shows you take care of yourself, aren’t eating out or getting fast food everyday and have the capability of taking care of your date.

To establish a more comfortable atmosphere, invest in a quality bed and/or sofa and throw pillows. Other things like rugs, candles and plants may help but overall keep it clean and simple. You want to hold some mystery and have her not only impressed with your pad but also wondering what else you have to offer.

Q: How can a guy who’s not good at flirting get good?

There are two things he can work on. He can work on being physically flirty. A brush of the leg, an arm around the shoulder, a  sly grin and strong eye contact are all small, simple things to break the physical barrier and get you out of the dreaded “friend zone.” The other thing is playing with innuendos. As practice, try to purposely interpret everything she says as a sexual reference. Obviously, joke about it and only do it a few times in a conversation but that will condition you to know how you can flirt better in certain situations. Compliments go a long way too. Letting her know that her perfume reminds you of the beach (warm & calming), which can lead into a conversation about going to the beach (if that's what you like doing).

Q: How can men who are attracted to "mean-girls" break the pattern?

Men who fall in this category simply need to raise their standards. If you’re tired of traveling that road, you need to make the decision to stop going that route and stick to it. Sure it’s hard but you need to have discipline. Say, “no more,” and look for better quality women who are a better fit for you. You deserve better frankly. A mate is there to help you in times of need, consider your feelings, and build up your self esteem, not the opposite which is what mean girls tend to do. In other words, realize you are a great catch for someone and let that belief lead you to a great person.

Q: Taboo topics in the getting to know you phase.

Topics include talking about past relationships (baby mama or daddy drama), religion, politics, financial status, are you looking to get married soon and anything else that can cause strong conflict. Nothing will fizzle out a spark quicker than talking about these. Of course, it varies person to person but the general rule is to talk about things that are fun and getting to know the person as a person not necessarily a mate (if that makes sense).

Q: Signs that a woman/man is into you.

A man is into a woman if he’s constantly asking questions, tilting his head toward you, leaning in, smiling a lot, he’s trying to look you up and down without you noticing (you can usually catch him), intensifying his eye contact; his body is directly facing you and of course, touching you. A woman is into a guy if she’s smiling genuinely, leaning in, tossing her hair, biting her lower lip, crossing her legs toward you, openly flirting and brushing your legs and/or arm. These are just simple cues.

Q: Unfortunately, many men have no clue how to seduce a woman. What is your secret in taking that first step?

Guys need to be ok with that fact that seducing a woman will lead to sex and women are aware of this. Think about a romantic comedy. There’s always mystery, playfulness and sexually charged energy that’s played out for a VERY long time until neither can handle it anymore. Women absolutely LOVE it because it’s fun and the anticipation can drive them wild. As men, we can play that role as the seducer. It requires confidence and a willingness to have fun with the pursuit of a woman. Women are fun, beautiful people and I think too many guys put too much pressure on themselves to the point where it’s not fun interacting with women.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that if seduction happens right away that it will lead to sex. I'm just saying that women love to have a bit of mystery and some love the act of the chase.

Q: How do you know when to give up on a relationship and break up?

Actions will always speak louder than words. The time to move on is when you feel like you’ve tried everything and the effort isn’t being rewarded or reciprocated. For example, if you call the person all the time and they don't call you back or as often. If you're the one always making time for them but they hardly ever make time for you. They don't want to meet your family after you've been dating for a while. They make excuses for why they can't hang out with you during the week & especially on the weekend. Effort will always be the tell-tale sign in any relationship. If you’re not seeing the reciprocation you feel or know you deserve, gently approach the topic, talk about it and make a mature assessment.