Too Afraid to Make the First Move

Q: I recently started dating a woman. We have been on on ten dates so far and for the first time ever, I am too scared to initiate anything physical since I do not want to risk losing her. How can I get over this hurdle?

Your fear of initiating anything physical with this woman can actually be viewed as a compliment to her and rather than feeling it is an obstacle to the relationship, try to frame your concern in a constructive way. The anticipated performance anxiety you have is relative to your desire to please her because you find her attractive. Understanding your fear is the first step to reducing it. Take smaller and different rehearsal steps in your mind. In lieu of focusing on yourself and your performance (which will exacerbate your fear), lessen your anxiety by thinking of how you can pleasure your partner and what your strengths are in this area. This will increase your confidence, a very sexy thing. Also, don't rush to have intercourse...take the time to get to know her and her body through verbal and non-verbal communication. Seduction and romance...also very sexy.

DISCLAIMER: This format is general in nature and not intended as a personal response to each question nor is it a subtitute for individualized medical or psychological care, diagnosis or treatment.

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