Turning Thirty and Looking for Long-Term

Q: Tomorrow will be my 30th birthday and I have not had a serious relationship in my life. I know this is because I am afraid of rejection. I was hoping you would be able to help me devise a plan to get over my fear. Thank you!

First, best wishes to you on your birthday. Unlike one's 20's, when so much of our time and energy is spent proving ourselves to others, this new stage in life is all about growing and learning how to take care of you. Your note indicates that you are ready to get started! Having a serious relationship with your self is the first step towards finding the long term love you desire. This means pinpointing the emotion that is holding you back and you can do this through journaling, therapy, and lots of honest self discovery. Getting to the root of the issue, whether it is fear of commitment, settling down, intimacy, loss of independence or being hurt, will make it easier for you to address the fear straight on.

Once you are ready to start dating, taking a less conventional approach is a good way to eliminate some of the pressure. Try going out with groups of friends who are single, or colleagues after work. And rather than (or in addition to) dating sites and fix ups, perhaps you can focus on meeting people with similar interests by taking a course, joining a professional group or volunteering. Remember to never take rejection personally, as each person just brings you one step closer to the person with whom you are meant to be.

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