Why We Love to Hate Valentine's Day

It's known as the "Hallmark Holiday;" a day marked by a coating of Pepto Bismal pink, heart shaped I love you's, long stemmed roses and an outpouring of love. But for every starry- eyed lover there is a cynic dressed in black protesting the love fest. Single or attached it is easy to find a "Valentine's Day grinch." But if Valentine's Day is really about love why is everyone so cynical?

Well to start, its origins are a mystery. Some legends include a priest performing secret marriages for lovers in a society where marriage was outlawed, while others say that this same priest was the first person to send a "Valentine" greeting. But the truth is, no one really knows how Valentine's Day even started, which leaves room for interpretation, and a lack of appreciation for its purpose.

Ask an average person how they feel about Valentine's Day and you will probably get a strong response. Many dread this day and are disgusted with the entire concept. It seems ironic that we are opposed to celebrating love when on an average day we are bombarded with images of death and poverty. Acknowledging the ones you care about should be a relief. But for most, Valentine's Day is actually a stressful holiday. Single people may feel left out, while new couples feel intense pressure, and married couples tend to ignore it all together.

For many, Valentine's Day is too contrived. Imagine a director standing before millions saying, "Scene 1 love. I want you to profess your love to your partner and if you don't have a partner well sorry about that. Take 1." 

Who really wants a director for their emotions? We are fully capable of loving without an instruction manual. Even the biggest romantic doesn't want to feel pressured to express their love on cue. No one likes to be told what to do, especially when it comes to love.

As one client Jamie states, "I just started dating this guy a few months ago and I don't want to deal with Valentine's Day. I mean do I get him something, does he get me something? Do we ignore it all together? This is too stressful for one dumb holiday."

Alexandra, another client expressed her frustration with the holiday saying, "I am so sick of being the single one at work on Valentine's Day when all of the women are getting flower deliveries. The only time I ever got roses was when my mom sent them to me. It makes me feel pathetic!"

Valentine's Day can create stigmas, sappy gestures, and breakups. It can be robotic, emotional, and well just plain annoying. Many say it's a marketing campaign for card stores and candy shops, and others say it is just another day to feel like an outsider.

Kara, a friend, says she spends the holiday working late so she doesn't have to watch all of the couples going to dinner. "I feel lame saying that but I honestly don't need another reminder that I am single."

I spent years of my life hating Valentine's Day. I felt left out if I didn't have a boyfriend. I felt pressured if I did. Yet I watched my mom spend hours making cards for everyone she loves, and I would roll my eyes in disgust. I ate chocolate with depressed female friends and I often promised to sleep through the holiday. I used to say, "Wake me when the world is a normal color again."

What I never realized was that I was actually buying into the holiday more than the ones who were celebrating it. I believed in my heart that Valentine's Day was just for lovers. This is because we live in a society that focuses on what we don't have, rather than what we do have. Yet, when we do have it, we forget how much we used to want it. When we are single Valentine's Day is about a relationship, because we don't have one. When we are in a relationship we think, "well, I have someone I don't need to tell them I love them. They know that already." We forget what our life was like before them.

Many of us are fortunate enough to have family we cherish, friends we adore, or a partner we love. We have people in our life that we want to celebrate. So maybe Valentine's Day is a day to be grateful for their presence in our life. So maybe you don't have to wear pink, and buy the ridiculous heart shaped candy, but why not show your gratitude for those you love? Why not take this day to acknowledge what you do have? Better yet why wait for a national holiday to do so?

How to Make Valentine's Day Meaningful for You

*** Make Valentine's Day every day. Don't wait for this day to celebrate your friends, family and loved ones. Make it a practice to acknowledge those that add meaning to your life.

These tips are not only for Valentine's Day but can be celebrated as often as you want- 

Make a date with yourself. Have a ritual of your own. Buy your favorite dark chocolate, take a long bubble bath and sip red wine. Watch you're your favorite girly movie, or curl up with a good book.

Have a small dinner party. Invite friends or family. Decorate with candles, and roses. Lack of time? Make it a pot-luck, or better yet buy some prepared food or order in. The important thing is to spend the night with the people you love.

Make homemade Valentine's Day greeting cards. Or better yet send your loved one's cards on a day where there is no real reason. Show them you care but start a tradition of having this art project to get your creative juices flowing. Show them just how much you care.

Buy all of your single friends a rose to show them how much you value their friendship.

Plan a girl's night out. Go ice skating, rent a movie, or go out for a fancy dinner. Treat yourself and spend time with the ones who make you feel special.