Bliss after the Break-up
Q: Where do you live?
I live in Brooklyn, NY.
Q: Biggest accomplishment you achieved on your own?
I drove from New York up to Maine and back alone. My ex-husband used to do most of the driving and so it was really huge for me. It rained torrentially for most of the drive up, too, which made it even more of a challenge.
Q: What inspired you to start writing your blog?
I write for a living and I started writing an essay about re-entering the dating world after 16 years of marriage--but I couldn't seem to finish it, because I didn't know how it ended yet. It occurred to me that blogging would allow me to add installments as my life unfolded. Once I started the blog, I realized there was so much more than just dating to write about. It's such a huge life makeover on so many levels. The work-in-progress nature of my life right now lends itself particularly well to the blogging form.
Q: Based on your experience, how can parents make divorce easier on their kids?
Be honest if you're feeling sad about the split, because it is a sad event and I think it's weirder for kids to be given the message that it's no big deal and all for the best. But it's also important not to go too far and treat your kids as confidantes. And, of course, badmouthing the ex is a no-no.
Q: Are there any divorce books or resources that you would like to recommend to women going through divorce?
I posted on my blog about the books that helped me cope, actually. The Good Divorce, by Constance Ahrens, is a good one; I also found a memoir by Suzanne Finnamore--called Split: A Memoir of Divorce--to be very comforting.
Q: Name a hobby, activity or guilty pleasure that always gets you out of a bad mood.
Writing a blog post is usually very therapeutic for me.
Q: Best place for solo parents to meet members of the opposite sex? What about new friends?
I'm very lucky because I have a lot of wonderful, supportive friends, to whom I give a lot of credit for keeping me from falling apart. Most of them are married, though; it would be nice to know a few more women in my position. I have yet to find the best place to meet members of the opposite sex. I live in a very married, kid-oriented world. I've done some online dating, which is a nice option to have--certainly better than hoping someone will just cross your path.
Q: What is the single most important lesson you learned from your divorce?
I'll get back to you when I've learned it!
Q: What do you love about being single?
I have my own bedroom.
Q: Any other words of wisdom?
When my husband and I first separated, I was a complete mess. I really didn't believe that things would get better. It has definitely been a rollercoaster ride, and I still struggle with many painful feelings, but it does get easier. It takes time and you can't rush it--but you don't stay in that dreadful place forever.
