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Guy Friends Who Go MIA

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TOPIC: Guy Friends Who Go MIA

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#104

dawnalang

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Posts: 15

Guy Friends Who Go MIA 2 Years, 7 Months ago

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Seeking some advice from men and women in this group. You see I always took pride in the fact that I was a guy’s kind of girl and my of most closest friends since I was a kid have been men. Then one by one, as soon as they started getting married, they simply stopped talking to me.

Has this ever happened to any of you and how did you deal with the emotions of loss (denial, grief…anger)? Why do men feel like they have to pull away once they get married, please enlighten me!!!!

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#105

krittie

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Posts: 7

Re:Guy Friends Who Go MIA 2 Years, 7 Months ago

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I always found this crazy too! However, I think this happens in both cases when guys who have girl friends get married they pull away and when girls who have guy friends get married they pull away too! I am not married nor have I ever been married, but from my experience with having 5 brothers I honestly think it is because priorities change when you get married. All of my brothers except with the exception of one have gotten married and have lost touch with some of their friends male or female. See, what happened to all of them is that they started putting their life into perspective and started looking at having kids and buying a house and their focus just changes. It really has nothing to do with the friends they had; I think they just realize that now they have another person in their life 24/7 they need to focus on things that they want together and strive to get that. I know this may not help you very much but it is what happened to all of my brothers and some of my friends too!

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#106

MissyE543

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Posts: 8

Re:Guy Friends Who Go MIA 2 Years, 7 Months ago

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It is ashame when this happens and I agree with Krittie that this is true for both guys and girls. I feel that when men get married, they grow up and it is the next chapter of their life. They may feel like some of their friends are still "boys" but the guy now feels like a "man." Married men may feel that their friends will only want to party and meet women at bars which is not appealing now that they are committed. The friendship slowly drifts apart since they are no longer interested in the same things.

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#107

catherinette

Putting the SIN in Singleton

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Posts: 13

Re:Guy Friends Who Go MIA 2 Years, 7 Months ago

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You, my dear, are not alone. I've had several male friends that up and disappear once they've said their wedding vows. It's painful to be left behind, losing a friend always sucks.

I agree with what Krittie has said as well. And, I'll throw something else in there: sometimes I think the friendship dissolves because they don't need us anymore. In some ways, I think that sometimes we provide our male friends with more than just companionship (I'm not talking sexual here), there's just some kind of guy/girl connection that is replaced once they get married.

Something else that I've experienced is that my friend's significant other doesn't care for our friendship so he was made to choose between her or me. That really sucked.

Hope your friend comes around.

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#110

lipsmacker

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Posts: 3

Re:Guy Friends Who Go MIA 2 Years, 7 Months ago

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I struggled with this issue quite a bit myself and it took me a while before I realized this:

In many ways, friendships are like surrogate "relationships". In our friendships we learn how to develop the social skills that we will later, hopefully, use with our significant others.

I believe it is true that most men develop relationships on a physical level while women develop relationships on a chemical or emotional level.

So, when our guy friends are settled into a relationship with a significant other, they no longer need the learning relationship they have developed with you because now they are getting all of the satisfaction of a "friendship" as well as the physical satisfaction they need from a "partner".

Along with this, the commitment and loyalty they feel towards that physical satisfaction prevents them from looking towards us for any additonal "satisfaction".

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#111

thediva

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Posts: 12

Re:Guy Friends Who Go MIA 2 Years, 7 Months ago

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It's sad to say, but I doubt it has anything to do with the guy as much as it is the insecurities of his new wife and his wanting to "keep the piece" at home.

I would love to say that I wouldn't mind my husband having female friends, but I know I would.

I've been in your shoes and it came out of no where! I was friends with a guy, and his fiance, but once they were married we saw less and less of each other. I don't take it personally and you really shouldn't either.

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