Lisa Steadman
Q: Congratulations on the release of your new book "If He's Not the One, Who Is?" Can you tell our readers a little bit about it?
Yes! This book isn't just another dating book that tells you who's next and how to meet him. More importantly, I talk about what's next for YOU. What areas of your life do you want to focus on so you can celebrate yourself, starting today? If you find yourself suddenly single at an age or time in your life that you never expected, how can we reinvent so you fall madly in love with yourself and your life? I also share how you can cut down on wasted dating time in the future by getting really clear about what you want, and who would be an appropriate candidate to match your vision, PLUS how to tell the difference between Mr. Wrong, Mr. Next, and Mr. Right.
Q: Your first book, "It's a Break-Up, Not a Breakdown" sends a very inspiring message. How do you help suddenly singles go from "Boohoo" to "Woohoo"?
It's a process, and it takes time. There are no quick fixes, which is the bad news. However, as you let yourself feel the pain, disappointment, loss, and frustration that your last relationship has ended, you give yourself permission to grieve. And in time, you allow yourself the space to re-envision your future and get excited about it. Eventually, you WANT to move on. That's when the Woohoo! sets in.
Q: You also have a 21 one day breakup recovery program. What are some of the tactics you include in your wellness plan?
The 3 most important parts of breakup recovery are:
1. Cut your ex out of your life or at least create new boundaries.
I get the most resistance from my clients on this rule. But here's the deal. Your ex is now your ex. There's a reason it didn't work out. Do you REALLY want to stay connected, still have feelings for him, and slowly watch him move on with his life while you're a mess on the bathroom floor? It happens over and over again when women stay connected. That's why you must cut your ex out of your life, or at least create some serious new boundaries if you have to stay in contact because of children or a job.
2. Get a Boohoo Crew.
Now that your ex is out of your life, you must recruit your support system who cheers you on, lets you cry, and kicks your butt when you've been moping for too long. You can't do it alone. Don't even try.
3. Focus on YOUR future
Don't worry about what's next for your ex. Don't obsess about if and when he'll start dating again. Get excited about YOUR new life. What do you want to do next? Start living for YOU!
Q: What are 3 warning signs that a relationship is doomed from the start?
When there's everyday drama, when you can't openly and easily communicate, when you're not equally invested in the relationship.
Q: Do you think women and men can/should be friends after a break up? Why or why not?
Men seem to be able to stay friends and still heal their hearts and date other people. Women can't. We're not wired that way. Our heart stays connected and that means we aren't moving on. Bad news for us when we realize we've been holding out hope of reconciling and he's already in a new relationship. Ouch!
Q: Best but least expected places to meet singles?
The grocery store. You can tell a lot about a man by what's in his grocery cart. One of my clients met her husband at Trader Joes. Another one regularly meets men at Whole Foods. Next time you go grocery
shopping, throw on a cute sweater and put some lip gloss on!
Q: How does one deal with the uncomfortable "bump into" moments that are bound to happen after a split?
With grace, humility, and a sense of humor. And have your Boohoo Crew on speed dial.
Q: What about the friend factor. Can/should you stay closely connected to your ex's close circle? And if not, how do you deal with that sudden separation?
Friends can be casualties of a breakup. It would be great if everyone could stay connected and friendly, but how are you going to heal and move on if you're still going to all the same parties and social gatherings as your ex?
Q: Any other words of wisdom?
As women, we are more resilient than we can imagine. When we give ourselves permission to reinvent and move on, magic happens! I see it time and time again with my clients, and it's always breathtaking and heroic.
